Flee

I'm in no condition to weave words today.

This past week was weird and weary-ridden.

Injuries, illness, and all manner of random frustrations darted their way to our family over the last several days.

I'm unraveling a tad.

And so...it's days like these when plans get ruined and hyped activities get scratched and phobia inducing situations arise..... that show my cores true colors.

Yes, it's days like these that I hole up at my desk and browse Bloomingdale's website for designer dresses I can't afford, imagining myself wearing them to gala's and galleries I'll probably never attend, while rubbing elbows with fancy people I'll probably never know.

What?

You don't do that when the demands of motherhood turn you sour and life leaves you flailing?

That's just me?

It's kinda sad that this is my salve.

Escapism. I'm notorious for it.

Right there...spelled out for you in three syllables...es-cap-ism.....is an issue for me.

While I feel that this tendency can prove beneficial in certain arenas..... art, fiction, play writing, rest, envisioning a better society, etc....

It can reek absolute havoc on a heart or a home that needs present, realistic, rapt attention.

From my wee ages on - I have been a flight girl. I don't tend to fight well - I just tend to flee.

So now that I'm a Mama - I can't really run away (even if I tried, they would follow me).....so I do it in my head, instead.

You do know what I mean don't you?

Escapism can take on many different forms.

When life is crazy hard or humdrum or heavy - you find yourself turning to things or ideas or activities or thoughts that you think will help you cope or overcome.

And while envisioning how in the world you can make things better is a good thing......

....simply thinking about unrealistic futures or long-gone pasts or becoming obsessed with some activity.....these are not wholesome or helpful choices.

Sometimes, as much as I hate to admit it, we have to force our minds to be all in and ever present - to tend to the real life, often difficult and dreadful and dutiful tasks, that may arise.

Running out the door (physically or mentally) rarely solves anything.

We must learn....

Not to escape to a happy place - but to a holy God.

That doesn't mean that we don't daydream of Holy Spirit inspired tomorrows. That doesn't mean that we don't slip away for a quiet coffee alone sometimes. That doesn't mean that we don't enjoy visions of vacations or longed-for getaways. That doesn't mean that we don't ask for help....or accept a breather every now and then.

It simply means - that when duty calls....we are awake to answer.

Turning to mental fantasies rather than the Father and his provisions for the task at hand....can leave our lamps oil-less. 

Escaping in the mind - keeps us from preparing and assessing and working....in the physical.

And we want to be women who have lamps lit and ready, right?

Yes, yes. Lord help us.



But...... all that being said....I really do like this one: 



:)

Dreams

Oh....these are just some thoughts I meant to post last Thursday :) Things have been a bit busy around these parts lately - forgive my delay. Love to you all......

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My eyes are pooling tears and my heart's pounding from the outpouring.

I'm sitting here in all out awe - over the way these people love.

There's been a lot of goodness flying in from friends today......

A card in the mail...

A text this afternoon...

Various emails.....

And a comment.... 

All today. All in the last 8 or so hours.

And all from these Jesus loving Texans we have jelled with over the last ten months.

All the random love that dropped into my mailbox and onto my phone and into my inbox and up on the screen.....It comes on a day where nothing in particular is weighing heavy....nothing pressing or worrisome or worthy of inducing stress.

All the undeserved sweetness arrived on a normal, everyday, kind of day....

But there has been this one thing as of late....

This one thing that my heart's been wrestling down this week....that by the looks of things needed some attention, perhaps.

The desire for purpose and accomplishment- outside of crumb-catching and bottom-wiping. 

While all things home are what I am to hone in on these days (by assignment and by desire) - I can't deny there are personal dreams that dawn in my mind's eye quit regularly. Dreams that walk along side my Mama-ing...not dreams that take the place of it.

Many of which...... have been spawned and spurred by my work within these walls - while stirring dinner - while picking up littered toys and broken graham crackers - while perusing all these mounds of books that sit around every corner....

.....all with these blondes that find shelter under my wing.

Oh, these children. There's something about their wonder - their all out passion for adventure ....their fearless attempts at feats .... their insatiable longing for new paths to explore....and most importantly....

their willingness to just try.

All of that - can ignite sparks in a woman....

Little gleaming hot spots of possible endeavors...they've been coming to life lately.

As mentioned...'Mama' and 'Maker of the Home' are my main engagements - but friends..... I'd be crazy to hush some of the deep hopes that are still pulsating in these veins of mine. I may be 'Mama' but I'm still mighty when it comes to dreaming up God - inspired possibilities.

So dream I do.

Right here in the midst of the crumbs and clutter and bottoms and attitudes.

Not as an escape - but as an exercise - to keep me going.

But there comes a point.....

......where dreaming.....has to turn into doing.

There comes a time - where we stop simply entertaining things in our heads....and start walking things out in real life.

Or else our dreams and purposes never really wake up to the dawning.

 So here I am today - bolstered up by all the random and thoughtful gestures bestowed on us this week - feeling a bit charged and inspired.... thinking about some long and deeply seeded dreams that might be ready to take root and blossom in the near future.

Ah, the possibilities.

Maybe someday soon ..... I'll muster up enough courage to share some of these mental fancies with you here.

Maybe :)

Until then and beyond, I'll be combing tangles out of hair and overcooking dinner chicken and scratching young backs and walking out this whole Mama thing - learning and growing along the way.

(Which is itself.... a dream realized, for sure.)

And all the while - I'll be thinking up things .....and asking the God of it all to hush what's from me and to highlight what's from Him. 

Because dreaming dreams of our own making - there's really nothing magnificent about that.

But dreaming dreams that have been implanted and imparted by a creative God.....

.....those are the ones worth entertaining, don't you think?

Lord, help me to know the difference.

Retreat

We will be hitting I-10 and heading west tomorrow....

me and the ladies of our burgeoning church.

With bug spray (hello, mosquitoes), and Bibles in hand - we are heading away for some concentrated time in the Word.....and some relational time with godly women.

And this is good.

And needed.

Because it's been a while since this Mama has slipped away from the nest.

With trips to the grocery store being my only real escape over the summer - an overnight away is overdue.

Sometimes you have to withdraw for a moment, ya know? Not long - just enough to catch your breath and receive a filling.

So after these few days of freedom - I'm trusting that I'll return to my nestlings fresh and ready.

A twenty month old just moseyed in with a sippy cup of milk - wanting his Mama to read him an animal book.....

And the ingredients for pancakes are currently spread over the top of my kitchen island.....

And the park is on our agenda today.....

After school gets done, of course.

And so the day will go....

Full and packed tight - all carried out by a Mama who is grinning giddy about a short weekend escape.

Oh, here's to hoping that Daddy-Daycare runs smoothly over the next several days.

Lord, help him :)

Learn from Her

There's a mama behind every man.

Just like there's a womb behind every woman.

It's true for all of us.

But...... the contrast is vast.

The childhood experience can look so different from one life to another, can't it?

While some of those mamas and some of those wombs dealt out nothing much more than wounds.....

Some dealt out such high doses of lavish love - that there children couldn't help but become beautiful.

I'd like to be grouped in the latter, wouldn't you?

In last week's post - I invited you back to the blog spot here.... to take a peep at some people, some ladies....who have walked the mama road well...who have left a fine fragrance for us to pick up on and share ourselves.

Because Mama-ing.....it ain't for sissy's. And bringing up boys and girls in God - it's not a flippant endeavor.

It's heavy and real and it requires purpose. And motivation. And examples. And a whole lot of Jesus.

So I'm glad you've gathered around....

because I'd like to first introduce you to a lady named Susanna.

I ran into this woman in Richard Foster's book Streams of Living Water.

Right there...on page 238 - I found myself a mentor straight out of England's 1600s.

Foster introduces her with...." Susanna represents the millions of people who have learned to do ordinary things with a perception of their enormous value."

And then he quotes one of her prayers....

"Help me, Lord, to remember that religion is not to be confined to the church, or closet, nor exercised only in prayer and meditation, but that everywhere I am in Thy presence. So may my every word and action have a moral content.....May all the happenings of my life prove useful and beneficial to me. May all things instruct me and afford me an opportunity of exercising some virtue and daily learning and growing toward Thy likeness......Amen."

Now that's a woman I need to know.

Susanna birthed nineteen children - nine of which didn't make it past infancy. She did a crazy awesome type of homeschool with the ten kids that did. She met individually with each child every week and she even had a type of church service in her home where over 200 people came to her gatherings.

Susanna was also known for her incredible patience.

Quoting again....this time from Susanna's husband who had been observing her teach a lesson where he counted twenty times that she had to repeat a single piece of information....

"I wonder at your patience.....you have told that child twenty times that same thing."

And Susanna replied with....

"If I had satisfied myself by mentioning it only nineteen times I should have lost all my labour. It was the twentieth time that crowned it."

This teaches me.

Susanna loved learning. She put up with an occasionally rigid and stout husband. She stood her ground on numerous occasions. She endured huge house fires.....and managed her home with little money.

And so...after all that care and all that pouring in and pouring over....

She reaped some fruit for sure, my friends.....

Because our Susanna .....was John Wesley's mama.....

the evangelist who helped found the Methodist movement.

Day after day after day for some twenty years - Susanna taught and tended to. She passed on faith and know-how and resilience.

And her children couldn't help but be world-changers because of it.

Those of us who are in the thick of lessons and discipline and home maintenance and heart tending - we should nestle in under the wings of women who have wondered this path in years past.

They can show us the way!

Want more examples? More resources? I do to. I'll share what I've come across and you do the same.

Because yes....I need all.the.help.I.can.get.

May you feel spurred along in your mothering endeavors today, friends - by the fine example discussed here. And may your own research and study grant you much as you lean in to hear what other great mama's have done.

Love to you all.

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*Check out Ann Voskamp's 'Good Reads' page. Especially those books found in the 'family' section. I've been mentored through page by many of the books listed there. And while you're over on her 'farm porch' - read some of her Holy Spirit inspired posts and drink deep. You'll be filled.

*Stop by Sally Clarkson's blog. And consider a few of her books, too. She has taught me much in the last few months.

*Take some time to watch the women around you...the ones at your disposal. The best way of learning - is to see things played out well. Pray for mentors and examples - and hone in on them. Take notes and take heed. Yes!

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Citation:

Foster, Richard J. Streams of Living Water: Celebrating the Great Traditions of Christian Faith. 

         [San  Francisco]: HarperSanFrancisco, 1998. Print.

Home

Being here in the home has been a heart changer.

Working (and I do mean working) within these walls....with these littles hot on my heels all the live long day - it forces change in a woman.

And it forces you to stare your current calling square in the face to figure out how in the world you are going to sanely walk through your every day.

Especially if you are going to walk it well.

It's been a unique season for me in this regard.....

 Our work car has finally called it quits - leaving this family of five with one vehicle. And leaving me with no way out most days.

If you had told me that I would spend a season of my at-home life without a car - without a way to escape the confines of the house....I would have fallen a part.

 No throwing the kids in their car seats and driving around for a while just to get a change of scenery, no quick runs to grab lunch on the go, no unplanned trips to the grocery store to grab that missing ingredient, no shopping trips during the day, no surprise trips to the park across town, no taking leave on a whim.

But....

 a peculiar thing has happened in the place of all those outings.

I had felt it fleetingly before.....I had ran my hands across the fabric of it admiring its sturdy and smooth ways donned on others- but I've actually grabbed hold of it my own self and am wearing it now. Owning it now.

Couple no car - with the cranked neck - with the up-in-the-airness our family currently feels.....

and somehow, someway you find.......

Contentment?

Yes.

I've settled into this season.... and I've found satisfaction in it.....

....in the behind the scenes, nobody knows or recognizes....daily grind of a stay at home mother.

And just think.....it only took me seven years.

It only took over half of a decade for me to truly embrace and take hold of my vocation.

And it wasn't me who decided to buck up or bow out, even.....

At the start of the year I felt the Lord hounding me on homemaking. In a gentle God-like way - in a 'it's good for me' way....

And so upon his sweet prompting - I made it my year's quest to hone in on all things home.

While it has certainly come under attack....and while it has had its maddening struggles....and while I do....daily....have moments where I barely keep my head above the water line...

There's a constant contentedness that abounds here now.

If you're like me....and you hold down the fort day in and day out (or by all means - even if you don't!)....and you want to walk in this mom calling upright and well....

Perhaps you'll want to nestle in with me here on the blog spot next week? - to take a look at some resources, some stories, some women - that have walked the homemaker road high and swell.

As for now....

I hear the three blondes stirring on the other side of the thin rent house wall my desk leans up against....

Art

I sat on the sidewalk yesterday......

... and watched my oldest blonde sketch beauty next to a bayou.

He captured cotton ball clouds floating overhead, and cattails standing sturdy in murky water. He sketched out the sun and the light - while sitting there on that grassy knoll near by.

And this .....it's a regular occurrence for us - the oldest boy stopping to copy some scene into a white paged notebook.

Just last month on a spontaneous trip to an urban garden center - he sprawled all out on a wooden bench situated next to a flowering, towering tree. And he proceeded to sketch that thing perfectly onto paper.

And so it goes with helicopters, and trucks, and trains, and skyscrapers, and country sides and home designs.

Yes...as it turns out...the oldest is into art.

That practice of putting pencil or paint or prints to paper and curving lines and connecting sections and making something glorious from it. He loves this.

And as his Mama, his teacher - I do so love it, too.

To have the ability, the gift, the draw.....to draw - it's straight from the hand of Heaven.

This talent that rings in wild wonder...that captures creation....it glorifies the One who gave it.

Why don't we stop to ponder these pieces more often? The art work of our children....of local artist... of famous ones.

I'm sitting here mid-day - thumbing through the boy's art folder....and finding joy in every piece. Finding Him in every stroke. Remembering in my mind's eye the event, the photograph, the lesson - that spurred him on to sketch each scene.

It's such a fine way of remembering....of keeping.....of beholding.

Writing here now - tapping these keys.....the seven year old has asked for another blank page - and I hear him cutting sheets of white and sharpening colored pencils at his school desk.

It looks as if another masterpiece awaits me!

Enjoy the works you come across, friends. Whether the art is from Monet or your wee one....  art can often times ring in all kinds of evidence and glory.

Don't miss it.

Joy in the Ordinary

The things I usually loathe - are the things I'd love to be doing this weekend.

Oh, friends.

I woke up in the wee hours of the morning on Thursday - trying to roll from one side to another....when my neck flung itself into a fiery fit.

What in the world?

Ever since - I've been hardly able to turn my head to the right....and any type of jerked or extended movement - sends pain coursing through my neck and shoulder.

Pinched nerve, maybe? Strained muscle, perhaps?

Either way - it is keeping me from doing what I do.

Laundry, dishes, baby chasing, workouts, and the like.....

Those things that I often times complain about and rush through and dread...

Yes. Those are the things I'm longing to carry out today.

Why does it often times take freak occurrences like an out of no where gnarled neck to awaken me to the blessings? To the privileges?

Walking through an ordinary day - and tending to the little, repetitive things - being able to carry those tasks out well....it's an absolute gift.

To go into the laundry room and hoist a laundry basket on my hip and divvy up the contents in each room - this actually sounds desirable right now. Divine, even.

I told the husband yesterday that I was going to scribble this all down in my journal - as not to forget it.....

To remind my discontented and negative and complaint-prone self....that being physically able to wash and clean and chase and exercise - should not be taken for granted.

Ever.

Those arms that carry the load and the little ones, that back that plays pony over and over again, those legs that take you from one chore to another - thank God for them. Treat them well. Take note of their prowess and keen design.

And instead of huffing and puffing because we aren't living out some dreamy fairy-tailed life everyday - be filled with gratitude and out right awe over the ordinary.
 
Yes.... this weekend - if you find yourself sassing about those daily duties......just don't.

Your neck could be seriously cricked.....and it more than likely isn't. Take joy in it!

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I love you all. Praying health and healing and gratefulness over each sweet soul that passes by this spot throughout the weekend. Hugs to you all.