There's a vase of lilies on the dining table....
...all green and white and ready to open up in beauty. Every hour they expose themselves more - allowing us to see a pearl hue inside.
Lovely.
Just across the way...there's a seven year old boy blonde in the living room - setting up yet another train apparatus... that will take up half our living space.
This same train engineer of ours pulled not one...but two of his teeth on Friday. The baby is gone and the big boy has come.
Toothy, silly, and smart.
Sprawled out next to him is his Daddy - aiding in locomotive assembly - scaffolding our firstborn man-child so he can problem solve and make adjustments and handle life as it twists and turns, rises and falls.
This blessing of a man I married finds himself right in the midst of major changes himself, right on the verge of risk taking, right on the fringes of something new, uncertain.
The two youngest are quiet. Both bundled up in bed for nap. The youngest is fighting a fever that sprang from the shadows unexpectedly.
And I'm here - with candle dancing, and Pandora playing....
trying to process life's shifts:
Buds to flowers
Babies to boys
Certain to uncertain
Well to ill
Sometimes....change happens all sudden like.
And ready or not - transition is immanent.
Knees tend to knock and hit the hard floor.
Minds usually scatter and emotions fly.
Backs can ache - curving at the pressure....
Like the stretching and bending of the arched petals of those lilies.
Like the pushing through of adult teeth.
Like the coming of new roles.
Like the suddenness of an illness.
Yes - life has it's way of pouncing, doesn't it?
In both the good and bad. Life is usually a mixture of both, it seems.
But in it all - there's artistry.
That Creator of ours - using all things to push forth life and grace and goodness.
If you find yourself in a season of sudden change or in a moment of drastic turn-around....whether it was welcomed or not - understand that you have praying company.
Knowing that others are pitching up similar petitions because they are walking down parallel paths.... this helps us to take one more confident step into the shaky unknown.
We....like the lilies adorning my dining room....arc and open up and seize the change as best we're able.
And as we do so - the bouquet is brilliant.
Abba Father,
We crawl into your lap and nestle in...
knowing that no matter what changes here...
You're always there.
And You're always aware.
And always working for our good.
Show us this...
And let us see it and feel it and know it.
Speak to us loud - in Your Word.
In community
In the Spirit
In the everyday.
Lead us during this time of change and uncertainty, God.
Let us see Your hand on us.
We thank you for Your presence and nearness.
We thank you for this unique season.
Please let it be fruitful and worth it.
Make us into a people that trust You.
Bind every heart that passes by this way....to Your heart, Father.
In Jesus, Amen.
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
In the Hush
The sky was wispy pink this morning.
With cirrocumulus clouds stretched out over an early sky and a cold chill in the early-bird air....
....the oldest and I had to run out the door for a good long look.....
....because seeing spectacles through the lens of a window just often times won't do.
The colors and majesty that arched over the atmosphere were thrilling.
Noticing the beauty of a sunrise is a grand way to start the day, yes?
There's such a quiet miraculousness to it.
The sun doesn't make a sound as it ascends and begins to shine. It doesn't shout to all that it's about to light up the next 12 or so hours. There's no announcement or attention drawn.
It just comes up and does it's gleaming.
Motherhood is a bit like that.
Here in the home - there's no applause or accolade or congratulations. It's all unseen. The work, the repetitive, the grind - it's all hidden here within these walls.
But...
...it's also hidden in tiny hearts.
Hearts that belong to three blonde birdies that will leave this nest one day - and pour out to the world the things that have been stored in the very crevices of their character.
The things I pour into them - might not be noticed now - but they will leak out eventually.
The same is true in pastorhood -
- those men and women who sink low, and deflect praise, and tend to the downtrodden, and fill cups and offer out Hope.
In our day though - it seems as if it's almost swanky to be a minister. For many, it's become a very public thing. An external thing....loud and opinionated and frugal.
This scares me. Not just for pastors, but for everyone.
Because when all our works and toils and offering become fodder for the masses - when we end up being compensated for every sacrifice - when we let our goodness go viral...we run the risk of letting that worldly attention be our only reward.
Pity us if this is so.
But those works and actions and loves that are done in the secret - in the humble hush of the obscure - ah, a heavenly reward awaits for them.
Christine Cain calls this living in the dark room.
Like those photographs of old that had to be processed in the dim - are we, as we torque and spin in our love labor everyday.
While there certainly can be seasons where our works will be seen by others (to glorify God alone) - the most serious and worthwhile things we do - take place in the lackluster shadows.
But yes - like birds leaving the nest and cups running over and ripples rolling, reaching - the love and sweat and time and attention that comes forth from us in the dusk....
...will leak out into the day... at some point - in some way - through someone.
The skies have darkened over now. A blanket of white hovers high.... and rain seems imminent.
But the sun - it's still doing it's duty...
even behind a widespread curtain of clouds.
With cirrocumulus clouds stretched out over an early sky and a cold chill in the early-bird air....
....the oldest and I had to run out the door for a good long look.....
....because seeing spectacles through the lens of a window just often times won't do.
The colors and majesty that arched over the atmosphere were thrilling.
Noticing the beauty of a sunrise is a grand way to start the day, yes?
There's such a quiet miraculousness to it.
The sun doesn't make a sound as it ascends and begins to shine. It doesn't shout to all that it's about to light up the next 12 or so hours. There's no announcement or attention drawn.
It just comes up and does it's gleaming.
Motherhood is a bit like that.
Here in the home - there's no applause or accolade or congratulations. It's all unseen. The work, the repetitive, the grind - it's all hidden here within these walls.
But...
...it's also hidden in tiny hearts.
Hearts that belong to three blonde birdies that will leave this nest one day - and pour out to the world the things that have been stored in the very crevices of their character.
The things I pour into them - might not be noticed now - but they will leak out eventually.
The same is true in pastorhood -
- those men and women who sink low, and deflect praise, and tend to the downtrodden, and fill cups and offer out Hope.
In our day though - it seems as if it's almost swanky to be a minister. For many, it's become a very public thing. An external thing....loud and opinionated and frugal.
This scares me. Not just for pastors, but for everyone.
Because when all our works and toils and offering become fodder for the masses - when we end up being compensated for every sacrifice - when we let our goodness go viral...we run the risk of letting that worldly attention be our only reward.
Pity us if this is so.
But those works and actions and loves that are done in the secret - in the humble hush of the obscure - ah, a heavenly reward awaits for them.
Christine Cain calls this living in the dark room.
Like those photographs of old that had to be processed in the dim - are we, as we torque and spin in our love labor everyday.
While there certainly can be seasons where our works will be seen by others (to glorify God alone) - the most serious and worthwhile things we do - take place in the lackluster shadows.
But yes - like birds leaving the nest and cups running over and ripples rolling, reaching - the love and sweat and time and attention that comes forth from us in the dusk....
...will leak out into the day... at some point - in some way - through someone.
The skies have darkened over now. A blanket of white hovers high.... and rain seems imminent.
But the sun - it's still doing it's duty...
even behind a widespread curtain of clouds.
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Lent 2014
Ah, we're walking the road that leads us to the cross again, friends.
We're journeying toward that God-Man sacrificed on a tree....
...where ultimately - we'll find ourselves at an empty tomb.
An empty one! Hallelujah.
Oh that we may behold this season.
Lent - that section of about a six weeks time where we believers can prepare our hearts, minds, bodies, and souls - for grasping God on Easter.
That time of focused prayer, intentional study, self-denial, listening in, and looking on....
...not out of religious obligation or dogmatic guilt - but out of wanting to really get God....
...out of really wanting, needing...to hear Him, see Him, know Him, behold Him.
It's one thing to be saved by the Lord - yes! Glory for it! But it's another to be swayed by Him.
It's a whole 'nother thing entirely to be moved, changed, undone, held-together, taught, encouraged - by the One who wove us all.
Because when you get even just a toe-tip taste of His grace.....
You end up wanting full submergence.
You end up wanting to draw nigh to Him - because you already have drawn nigh to Him - and you know that it.is.good.
Enter Lent 2014.
What better time than now....during these weeks leading up to His sacrifice and rising?....for us all to really enter in.... to the Holy of Holies.
Because we can! Because Jesus came and tore the veil - we CAN know His presence!
Let it never be commonplace! Let that fact always be significant!
When you think of Lent - you might simply think about what you will let go of for a month and a half.
I get that - I've given up something, too.
But this year - let's let Lent go past the surface, past the dermis - and let it really linger in the depths of us....in those places that need a reawakening to the Light.
During these 46 or so days - let's knock on the door....let's be intentional.....
In quiet moments with Him.
In creating an inner sanctuary with Him no matter what kind of noise haunts.
In really honing in on what the gospels say about our Christ.
In pouring out confessions to Him.
In hearing Him and then acting accordingly.
In really experiencing the King.
Friends, knocking..... results in knowing.
For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. - Matthew 7:8
This Lenten season - Lord, let us go all in. Yes!
I trust - I know - that when we finally let our knuckles do some knocking this year- He will answer the door.
His Spirit has been the One beckoning us to the door frame all along anyway :)
We're journeying toward that God-Man sacrificed on a tree....
...where ultimately - we'll find ourselves at an empty tomb.
An empty one! Hallelujah.
Oh that we may behold this season.
Lent - that section of about a six weeks time where we believers can prepare our hearts, minds, bodies, and souls - for grasping God on Easter.
That time of focused prayer, intentional study, self-denial, listening in, and looking on....
...not out of religious obligation or dogmatic guilt - but out of wanting to really get God....
...out of really wanting, needing...to hear Him, see Him, know Him, behold Him.
It's one thing to be saved by the Lord - yes! Glory for it! But it's another to be swayed by Him.
It's a whole 'nother thing entirely to be moved, changed, undone, held-together, taught, encouraged - by the One who wove us all.
Because when you get even just a toe-tip taste of His grace.....
You end up wanting full submergence.
You end up wanting to draw nigh to Him - because you already have drawn nigh to Him - and you know that it.is.good.
Enter Lent 2014.
What better time than now....during these weeks leading up to His sacrifice and rising?....for us all to really enter in.... to the Holy of Holies.
Because we can! Because Jesus came and tore the veil - we CAN know His presence!
Let it never be commonplace! Let that fact always be significant!
When you think of Lent - you might simply think about what you will let go of for a month and a half.
I get that - I've given up something, too.
But this year - let's let Lent go past the surface, past the dermis - and let it really linger in the depths of us....in those places that need a reawakening to the Light.
During these 46 or so days - let's knock on the door....let's be intentional.....
In quiet moments with Him.
In creating an inner sanctuary with Him no matter what kind of noise haunts.
In really honing in on what the gospels say about our Christ.
In pouring out confessions to Him.
In hearing Him and then acting accordingly.
In really experiencing the King.
Friends, knocking..... results in knowing.
For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. - Matthew 7:8
This Lenten season - Lord, let us go all in. Yes!
I trust - I know - that when we finally let our knuckles do some knocking this year- He will answer the door.
His Spirit has been the One beckoning us to the door frame all along anyway :)
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Fires and Fish and Jesus
There's something about the filling of hearts in church that empties the stomach.
Sunday just has a different kind of ravenousness to it. Perhaps that's why 'Sunday lunch' is a thing.
This past Sabbath was no different.
Before we even left the parking lot of the high school my church congregates in - all five of us were pining for a filling. So I handed out snacks to hush the hunger and we rushed home to whip up lunch.
Upon making it to the driveway - I made like a mule (as moms often times do) and grabbed all fifteen bags that I had taken with us, then ran inside to prep meat.
My husband went out back with the blondes to strike black coal - so that our food could sizzle over fire.
And that hot simmer - it made the Sunday sermon come full circle.
Because the pastor had us consider John 18:18 and John 21:9 that day.
Let's start with the former.
Jesus had just been bound by a band of soldiers and taken. Peter followed them. But when he was asked if, indeed, he was one of Jesus' disciples - Peter denied that he was. And then verse 18 says this:
Now the servants and officers had made a charcoal fire, because it was cold, and they were standing and warming themselves. Peter also was with them, standing and warming himself.
When the pastor read that verse aloud - something in my gut stirred over the word 'charcoal'. The Spirit impressed that there was something with that word....to stay alert to it.....that there was something in it for me.
We moved on to the words in chapter 21.
At this point - Jesus had been beaten, thorned, hung, placed in the tomb, and risen again.
Jesus' disciples got it into their minds to go out and catch fish, but alas, no fish were being caught. Suddenly, a man (Jesus) appears on the beach near them right at daybreak. Jesus tells them to drop their nets on the other side of the boat - and when they do....their nets can scarcely hold the amount of fish found. Of course - it was at this moment of overflowing abundance, that they realize the man was Jesus. And then this happens:
When they got out on land, they saw a charcoal fire in place, with fish laid out on it, and bread.
A charcoal fire.
Do you have any idea what this must have meant to Peter? What this means to me? To you?
When Peter got to the shore - and saw the charcoal fire that Jesus had built to make them breakfast...
- all after Peter himself had denied even knowing Christ.....
- all after Peter had abandoned the Lord....
He sees the Lord, sees the fire, smells the charcoal - and is taken right back to the moment of his denial of Jesus.
Jesus meant for it to.
But now - He sees this very same Jesus serving him, the denier, breakfast - on charcoal......that same substance that Peter stood next to while falsely denying the Lord.
Jesus knew that the coal would take Peter back to his moment of betrayal - but He also knew that the coal - and the food being prepared on it - would reveal Christ's crazy love and forgiveness for him, too.....
Plus some! They now had an overflow of fish to boot!
Do you see it?
Isn't this just so God of God?
To reinstate and restore and offer up - to the very ones who gave up? All in a manner that shows them....
Grace.
The abundant kind.
Meet Jesus, friends.
I just took a pause from writing - to take the kids on a bike ride. We whirled down warm sidewalks throughout our neighborhood, fed ducks, and worked up an appetite. Mama here - pushed the stroller and pondered this post for much of the outing.
On our way home - my older two slammed on the breaks of their bikes and stooped over to look at something laying on the pavement.
There between two bayous - laid a perfectly preserved little fish. It was dead - but completely and totally intact....odd site - considering all the fish-eating wildlife that's around these parts.
When I bent down to take a look at the out of place creature- my mind instantly went to the scripture we just discussed.
Yet again....
He meant for it to.
Perhaps.....for you. Perhaps you need to know, like me, that no matter what you've done or where you've been or who you've hurt....
His provision and restoration and revelation await.
He'll use fires and fish and all manner of things to show you so.
Sunday just has a different kind of ravenousness to it. Perhaps that's why 'Sunday lunch' is a thing.
This past Sabbath was no different.
Before we even left the parking lot of the high school my church congregates in - all five of us were pining for a filling. So I handed out snacks to hush the hunger and we rushed home to whip up lunch.
Upon making it to the driveway - I made like a mule (as moms often times do) and grabbed all fifteen bags that I had taken with us, then ran inside to prep meat.
My husband went out back with the blondes to strike black coal - so that our food could sizzle over fire.
And that hot simmer - it made the Sunday sermon come full circle.
Because the pastor had us consider John 18:18 and John 21:9 that day.
Let's start with the former.
Jesus had just been bound by a band of soldiers and taken. Peter followed them. But when he was asked if, indeed, he was one of Jesus' disciples - Peter denied that he was. And then verse 18 says this:
Now the servants and officers had made a charcoal fire, because it was cold, and they were standing and warming themselves. Peter also was with them, standing and warming himself.
When the pastor read that verse aloud - something in my gut stirred over the word 'charcoal'. The Spirit impressed that there was something with that word....to stay alert to it.....that there was something in it for me.
We moved on to the words in chapter 21.
At this point - Jesus had been beaten, thorned, hung, placed in the tomb, and risen again.
Jesus' disciples got it into their minds to go out and catch fish, but alas, no fish were being caught. Suddenly, a man (Jesus) appears on the beach near them right at daybreak. Jesus tells them to drop their nets on the other side of the boat - and when they do....their nets can scarcely hold the amount of fish found. Of course - it was at this moment of overflowing abundance, that they realize the man was Jesus. And then this happens:
When they got out on land, they saw a charcoal fire in place, with fish laid out on it, and bread.
A charcoal fire.
Do you have any idea what this must have meant to Peter? What this means to me? To you?
When Peter got to the shore - and saw the charcoal fire that Jesus had built to make them breakfast...
- all after Peter himself had denied even knowing Christ.....
- all after Peter had abandoned the Lord....
He sees the Lord, sees the fire, smells the charcoal - and is taken right back to the moment of his denial of Jesus.
Jesus meant for it to.
But now - He sees this very same Jesus serving him, the denier, breakfast - on charcoal......that same substance that Peter stood next to while falsely denying the Lord.
Jesus knew that the coal would take Peter back to his moment of betrayal - but He also knew that the coal - and the food being prepared on it - would reveal Christ's crazy love and forgiveness for him, too.....
Plus some! They now had an overflow of fish to boot!
Do you see it?
Isn't this just so God of God?
To reinstate and restore and offer up - to the very ones who gave up? All in a manner that shows them....
Grace.
The abundant kind.
Meet Jesus, friends.
I just took a pause from writing - to take the kids on a bike ride. We whirled down warm sidewalks throughout our neighborhood, fed ducks, and worked up an appetite. Mama here - pushed the stroller and pondered this post for much of the outing.
On our way home - my older two slammed on the breaks of their bikes and stooped over to look at something laying on the pavement.
There between two bayous - laid a perfectly preserved little fish. It was dead - but completely and totally intact....odd site - considering all the fish-eating wildlife that's around these parts.
When I bent down to take a look at the out of place creature- my mind instantly went to the scripture we just discussed.
Yet again....
He meant for it to.
Perhaps.....for you. Perhaps you need to know, like me, that no matter what you've done or where you've been or who you've hurt....
His provision and restoration and revelation await.
He'll use fires and fish and all manner of things to show you so.
Monday, February 17, 2014
Her Song
Bellies were empty and bladders were full as we approached the home-stretch of our weekend road trip.
After a long ride down I-45 through the flat country of this great big state - we needed a place to relieve and refill.
All three children were complaining loudly and Mama here was teetering on explosion.
We came across an exit that advertised a Chick-Fil-A - so we skirted off the highway to give ourselves a break and a breather.
The youngest always wants 'oop' (soup) from there....and so we ordered his favorite, stuck a spoon in his hand, and let him have at it.
'Oop' ended up all over the table, all over the booth, all over him, all over everything - but I'm pretty sure not one drop of that 'oop' landed in his little two year old mouth.
He tried to sit on the table rather than at the table.
He screamed at all four of us.
He threw things.
Including fits.
It was a spectacle. A stressful one.
Mommy was losing it.
But in the midst of all this flying 'oop' and toddler screams - my girl blonde began singing something.
Right there in the middle of her brother's meltdown mode - she quietly bellowed the following....
"Holy Spirit You are welcome here.....
come flood this place and fill the atmosphere....
Your glory God is what our hearts long for...
To be overcome by Your presence Lord."
She worshiped right when her withered mother needed it most.
And those lyrics....of all lyrics the Lord could have prompted her to sing....
"Holy Spirit you are welcome here."
Yes.
Even here.
Even here...in this loud, draining season.
Even here...in this restaurant.
Even here...in the mess and the crazy.
Perhaps, especially here.
She invited the holy in - and it ministered to her Mama.
We strapped everyone back in that tight car - and hit the highway for home.
I did get hyped a few more times. And I did want to stick my head out the window to escape the noise at one point. And I did have to say some breath prayers to keep myself sane.
But the Lord swooped in through the crooning of a little lady last night - and it renewed, reminded, and refreshed - right there! Right there - with a gaggle of kids in a fast food booth off a highway in Texas.
Friends....
It's easy to think that God, and all of His hugeness and omnipotence, wouldn't or couldn't fit down into the smallness...... into the most unknown crevices of our lives.
But....it's because of His hugeness and omnipotence that He can, and will.
God is so big - that nothing is too small.
Nothing.
After a long ride down I-45 through the flat country of this great big state - we needed a place to relieve and refill.
All three children were complaining loudly and Mama here was teetering on explosion.
We came across an exit that advertised a Chick-Fil-A - so we skirted off the highway to give ourselves a break and a breather.
The youngest always wants 'oop' (soup) from there....and so we ordered his favorite, stuck a spoon in his hand, and let him have at it.
'Oop' ended up all over the table, all over the booth, all over him, all over everything - but I'm pretty sure not one drop of that 'oop' landed in his little two year old mouth.
He tried to sit on the table rather than at the table.
He screamed at all four of us.
He threw things.
Including fits.
It was a spectacle. A stressful one.
Mommy was losing it.
But in the midst of all this flying 'oop' and toddler screams - my girl blonde began singing something.
Right there in the middle of her brother's meltdown mode - she quietly bellowed the following....
"Holy Spirit You are welcome here.....
come flood this place and fill the atmosphere....
Your glory God is what our hearts long for...
To be overcome by Your presence Lord."
She worshiped right when her withered mother needed it most.
And those lyrics....of all lyrics the Lord could have prompted her to sing....
"Holy Spirit you are welcome here."
Yes.
Even here.
Even here...in this loud, draining season.
Even here...in this restaurant.
Even here...in the mess and the crazy.
Perhaps, especially here.
She invited the holy in - and it ministered to her Mama.
We strapped everyone back in that tight car - and hit the highway for home.
I did get hyped a few more times. And I did want to stick my head out the window to escape the noise at one point. And I did have to say some breath prayers to keep myself sane.
But the Lord swooped in through the crooning of a little lady last night - and it renewed, reminded, and refreshed - right there! Right there - with a gaggle of kids in a fast food booth off a highway in Texas.
Friends....
It's easy to think that God, and all of His hugeness and omnipotence, wouldn't or couldn't fit down into the smallness...... into the most unknown crevices of our lives.
But....it's because of His hugeness and omnipotence that He can, and will.
God is so big - that nothing is too small.
Nothing.
Friday, February 14, 2014
His Journal
A re-post for your Valentine's Day. Have a splendid, love-filled weekend, friends :)
He was working on a sermon.
His notes were sprawled out all over the table, the kids were sleeping, and the house was rare quiet.
I walked up to ask how he was fairing.....
Was the outline coming together?
Was the Spirit speaking?
We're thoughts flowing?
As he answered all my inquiries....I happened to look down and catch a glimpse of his journal - the one I bought for him just before the first of the year.
It was open wide - one page all inked up and the other bare....
almost bare.
Some words scratched out ...up in the corner of that blank page got my attention:
"LOVE HER", it said.
"What's this?", I asked out loud.
"Look at the next page.", he answered.
As I turned the journal to the next fresh sheet - I saw it again:
"LOVE HER"
I kept flipping...and I kept seeing...
"LOVE HER"
All the way to the end.
And my tears didn't need any time to muster...
they just fell and fell and I buried my face in his neck blubbering thanksgivings.
Because the 'HER'.........is ME.
To have a husband....that would write those words on all the pages of his journal ....the place he visits everyday to pen out prayers and list out heart cries.... it hits me deep.
The awe of it isn't lost on this woman.
Because in these 8.5 years - we have struggled.
We have struggled ugly...and hard...and weak.
We have battled through much.....we have battled each other, we have battled our pasts, we have battled intruders, we have battled addictions....
.....we have gone to war over this union.
(Gladly so. Fighting for a marriage is worth it.)
So to have him etch those words out as a reminder - it flat out makes me fall apart.
And it makes me fall right into him. (His plan all along, perhaps?...wink,wink.)
And it makes me grateful.
Because a man of this kind...
...is-a-gift....
an undeserved, unwarranted, absolute gift from the hand of God.
To the one who wears the ring that matches mine:
You live Ephesians 5. You don't just read it...you stride it out. And me? The recipient of it all? To be the one that gets lavished on in this way? It shows me Jesus. You bring Him into our union...into our family...into our home. You walk out the words of Paul....'love your wife'. And our children - they see God's Word played out here. Thank you a million times over. You're unparalleled. "LOVE HIM....RESPECT HIM" - it's now my anthem - and it's perched right there in the corners of my mind for you everyday. Thanks for showing me the way.
And friends, just for fun....just for proof....take a look at love leaked out, for yourselves:
********************
He was working on a sermon.
His notes were sprawled out all over the table, the kids were sleeping, and the house was rare quiet.
I walked up to ask how he was fairing.....
Was the outline coming together?
Was the Spirit speaking?
We're thoughts flowing?
As he answered all my inquiries....I happened to look down and catch a glimpse of his journal - the one I bought for him just before the first of the year.
It was open wide - one page all inked up and the other bare....
almost bare.
Some words scratched out ...up in the corner of that blank page got my attention:
"LOVE HER", it said.
"What's this?", I asked out loud.
"Look at the next page.", he answered.
As I turned the journal to the next fresh sheet - I saw it again:
"LOVE HER"
I kept flipping...and I kept seeing...
"LOVE HER"
All the way to the end.
And my tears didn't need any time to muster...
they just fell and fell and I buried my face in his neck blubbering thanksgivings.
Because the 'HER'.........is ME.
To have a husband....that would write those words on all the pages of his journal ....the place he visits everyday to pen out prayers and list out heart cries.... it hits me deep.
The awe of it isn't lost on this woman.
Because in these 8.5 years - we have struggled.
We have struggled ugly...and hard...and weak.
We have battled through much.....we have battled each other, we have battled our pasts, we have battled intruders, we have battled addictions....
.....we have gone to war over this union.
(Gladly so. Fighting for a marriage is worth it.)
So to have him etch those words out as a reminder - it flat out makes me fall apart.
And it makes me fall right into him. (His plan all along, perhaps?...wink,wink.)
And it makes me grateful.
Because a man of this kind...
...is-a-gift....
an undeserved, unwarranted, absolute gift from the hand of God.
To the one who wears the ring that matches mine:
You live Ephesians 5. You don't just read it...you stride it out. And me? The recipient of it all? To be the one that gets lavished on in this way? It shows me Jesus. You bring Him into our union...into our family...into our home. You walk out the words of Paul....'love your wife'. And our children - they see God's Word played out here. Thank you a million times over. You're unparalleled. "LOVE HIM....RESPECT HIM" - it's now my anthem - and it's perched right there in the corners of my mind for you everyday. Thanks for showing me the way.
And friends, just for fun....just for proof....take a look at love leaked out, for yourselves:
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Community
Tonight....
We will all pack diaper bags, and quickly feed children, and throw our Bibles in cars - and head down the highways and side roads to gather together again.
We may or may not be a few minutes late. Our children will probably pitch small fits as we drop them off at the sitters. And while the adults meet for Bible study and fellowship just down the road - all the Mama's will say a prayer and check their phones in hopes that all is well at the childcare house.
Thankfully, the company of all the others....the fellow parents, the singles, the divorced, the newly weds - will calm us.
We will put on name tags for the new ones as soon as we enter the door. Some type of fine Texas food will meet our noses and we will all fill paper plates with southern goodness.
As people go to and fro from the kitchen - we will sit and engage and ask and listen and laugh and feel free. Free to be self - free to drop the facade - free to chase deep faith....together.
And then.....when all the tea and lemonade have made their way into Dixie's - and all the tacos or pizza or barbecue or casseroles are consumed.....we will pull chairs and stools and benches out of every nook and cranny in the house and we will glean.
From the teacher.
From the passage.
From the scripture.
From one another.
From the Spirit's speaking through it all.
And we'll nod, and rebuttal, and scribble down notes - as we sit in circles and take in all the company and all the wisdom shared.
But before the ladies find their purses and the men find their coats - we will do the most important work....
of prayer.
Splitting into small gendered groups - this is where the vulnerable light shines bright - and this is where the things in our hearts get worked out.
It's safe. It's real. And it's a balm.
Not in a corny kumbaya kind of way - but in a brave, comforting, needs-meeting kind of way.
We share the ugly, the beautiful, the true. And then we cover that stuff in petitions.
At this point - the sitters house is busting at the seems and parents scramble out to vehicles to fetch children.
Then everyone...the marrieds, the singles, the searching....will all head home.
And we do so a little bit lighter, fuller, whole.....
thanks to.....
community group.
Because even us introverts.....we need others. And even though some of us have been burned in the community setting before.....and even though it can make us tired and turn us on to the weary of the world.....The Christian life was meant to be lived in a communal fashion. Living life shoulder to shoulder is best. Arm in arm is even better.
The risk of putting yourself out there - is worth it.
Pope Francis tweeted just last week that...."People can't save themselves. The community is essential."
Yes.
The baby has woken up from his nap early. And here in the next hour I will put shoes on toddler feet, and fix the girls hair, and pack that diaper bag I mentioned, and usher them all out to the grey bullet of a Honda.....
and head towards togetherness.
And the God of the universe...
He will meet us there.
We will all pack diaper bags, and quickly feed children, and throw our Bibles in cars - and head down the highways and side roads to gather together again.
We may or may not be a few minutes late. Our children will probably pitch small fits as we drop them off at the sitters. And while the adults meet for Bible study and fellowship just down the road - all the Mama's will say a prayer and check their phones in hopes that all is well at the childcare house.
Thankfully, the company of all the others....the fellow parents, the singles, the divorced, the newly weds - will calm us.
We will put on name tags for the new ones as soon as we enter the door. Some type of fine Texas food will meet our noses and we will all fill paper plates with southern goodness.
As people go to and fro from the kitchen - we will sit and engage and ask and listen and laugh and feel free. Free to be self - free to drop the facade - free to chase deep faith....together.
And then.....when all the tea and lemonade have made their way into Dixie's - and all the tacos or pizza or barbecue or casseroles are consumed.....we will pull chairs and stools and benches out of every nook and cranny in the house and we will glean.
From the teacher.
From the passage.
From the scripture.
From one another.
From the Spirit's speaking through it all.
And we'll nod, and rebuttal, and scribble down notes - as we sit in circles and take in all the company and all the wisdom shared.
But before the ladies find their purses and the men find their coats - we will do the most important work....
of prayer.
Splitting into small gendered groups - this is where the vulnerable light shines bright - and this is where the things in our hearts get worked out.
It's safe. It's real. And it's a balm.
Not in a corny kumbaya kind of way - but in a brave, comforting, needs-meeting kind of way.
We share the ugly, the beautiful, the true. And then we cover that stuff in petitions.
At this point - the sitters house is busting at the seems and parents scramble out to vehicles to fetch children.
Then everyone...the marrieds, the singles, the searching....will all head home.
And we do so a little bit lighter, fuller, whole.....
thanks to.....
community group.
Because even us introverts.....we need others. And even though some of us have been burned in the community setting before.....and even though it can make us tired and turn us on to the weary of the world.....The Christian life was meant to be lived in a communal fashion. Living life shoulder to shoulder is best. Arm in arm is even better.
The risk of putting yourself out there - is worth it.
Pope Francis tweeted just last week that...."People can't save themselves. The community is essential."
Yes.
The baby has woken up from his nap early. And here in the next hour I will put shoes on toddler feet, and fix the girls hair, and pack that diaper bag I mentioned, and usher them all out to the grey bullet of a Honda.....
and head towards togetherness.
And the God of the universe...
He will meet us there.
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