Work

When they hide your briefcase, your keys, and your wallet.....

you know something's waning.

You know then....that your hours have been long, your play sessions have been short, and your absence?...

it's felt.

Yeah. When your kids try to keep you from work - by hiding your things....that's when your soul gapes open.

That husband of mine left for the office yesterday morning with tear puddled eyes and a pulled heart muscle.

The new job suits his bent well, yes. And we knew the first few months of this gig was going to be a grind. And Mama's and Daddy's.... we can cope somewhat. But the kids? They just crack.

I know this now.

I know this now - after cry sessions, and cologne smelling, and acting out.

So sometimes.....when you see your children whittling because of your work.....you stop for a weekend time-out.

Even when the budget doesn't give you permission. Even if there are 10,000 things on the move to-do list. Even when there's no time for frilly fun.....

You decide to pinch pennies, and pile in a van, and head away for a few days. I-10 West will carry us to a spontaneous, glee-filled, Daddy-present weekend.

Because when little hearts ooze.....yours does too.

And the briefcase, the keys, and the wallet - they can wait.

If work has you bound up lately - less loose this weekend. Get back to it on Monday. Praying you are surprised by joy, and stirred up by new passions, and encouraged over the next few days, friends. Love and hugs to you all.

Silence to Shouting

It seems as though when life is hardest.....words flow fewest.

And that's unfortunate.

Because as C.S. Lewis once penned: 

"Whenever you are fed up with life, start writing: ink is the great cure for all human ills....."

Indeed.

Writing is a type of therapy, it seems.

But this past week..... left me wordless. And where I had words....I lacked the faculties to appropriately convey them.

So forgive me for the long pause. I certainly have a reason for the languish and loss of verse.

Because friends....I know now, that nothing will make you lose it like a lump.

Inundated with pink ribbons, and cancer causes, and 5k's for fundraising - our culture can't say that they didn't know to be watchful for suspicious symptoms of the chest.

So when I found a large, painful mass - I melted. My mind - it's prone to worry. And it's bent is pessimism. Before I ever saw a doctor - I had diagnosed myself with the worst.

And it effected everything. It consumed every thought, it drowned out every other fear, and it laid thick and heavy....for almost a week.

All those things that I had been completely consumed by before - suddenly seemed like pebbles next to an alp.

The tight budget.
The moving.
The home finding.
The husband's long hours.
The homeschooling.
The house showings.

It all waned.

Suddenly....they all seemed like gifts. Not Gibralters.

Because those things aren't real problems. They're just real life.

When the radiologist looked at the ultrasound tech and said "Mondors"....glee crept up from within - because while I didn't know at all what it meant, I knew that word didn't sound anything like the word "cancer".

Praise Jesus.

When she explained to me that I have a rare but non-life threatening condition where the vein clots and bulges.....I basked in the mostly good diagnosis.

And a gratefulness and light settled deep.

And joy sprang up like tulips in Spring.

And then we ate Mexican food :)

Since that day - the world seems different. 

The whole situation was a life-changer. A perspective shifter. A vision caster.

And it's quieted the irritations and groanings of annoyance.

The little mundane tasks of life - have felt like privileges. 

The things I was loathing - I've been loving.

And oh, I hope this light-bulb stays on!

The husband suggested, or commanded rather, that I jot this all down in my journal - as to not forget the moment's feelings. Because they can be fleeting. Slipping back into an uncalled for despair is easy.

Right before he headed back to work after my appointment...walking to his vehicle after downing fajitas....the grand man I married looked back at me and said...

"Build an alter here, Kate."

Build an alter so that you can praise Him in this moment now.....and remember the blessing later.

Yes!

So these words here....let them be stacked up stones. Let them stand as a marker - to ensure that this new found perspective isn't lost! Let them remind me to rejoice! Let them remind me to look for things I can praise God for...knee-bent and grateful.

Oh Lord, let the site of this altar.....alter.

Certainly - diagnosis don't always hit us with joy. Certainly - the news isn't always happy.

But when it is.....stand back and shout your Hallelujahs at the landmark.

Saturday

There's a pot of Easter Lilies sitting on my entry way bench.

They are large, pearl white, and beginning their bloom.

One flower in particular is facing me now - and the way those petals open up and sprawl out - it compels me.

It's almost as if they're shouting Glory.

Tomorrow - as we rise....let us think of His rising.

As we zip up Easter dresses, and load vans, and greet, and mingle, and sing, and listen, and pray, and gather, and hunt, and feast -  let tradition not be void of meaning. 

Let tinsel, and pomp, and memory-making bow to the Resurrected.

Let's let loose like lilies and proclaim that our God is good, and able, and ALIVE!

You can read the resurrection account from John... by clicking here. Go and enjoy and ingest it....you'll be filled, friend!

I'm praying for fresh revelations, thorough healings, and crisp beginnings - to make their way into your Easter day.

It's been a pleasure sitting here with you this week.


Love and joy and newness to you all!

Good Friday

I'm sitting under a big stretching canopy of blue.

The skies....they really are broader in these parts - with no hills to confiscate the sky view.

With sun shining high and bright in an early afternoon atmosphere - I'm reading John's account of Christ's crucifixion.

While all the whole story shocks me with sorrow and gratefulness - There is one bit of the report that strikes me at my core.

Come with me to chapter 19 verse 30....

 When Jesus had received the sour wine, he said, “It is finished,” and he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.

Did you catch that?

He gave up His spirit. 

It was not taken from Him.

It wasn't forced or cajoled, hoaxed or stolen.

It was given.

By choice.

This God Man - having battalions of angels at His beck and order all standing 'round ready to intervene...

This Savior - perfect in every way, sinless through and through, powerful beyond measure....He gave Himself.

For you.

For me.

HUGE! This.is.huge.

So now.....we wait. Because we know that after the cross, and the spear, and the cave.....

...after the death, and the darkness, and the strife...

comes life!

Yes! Life! For Him....for us!

Oh, may your weekend be filled with the supernatural. In the small and sweet, and in the major and broken. 

Lord - show Yourself loving, and able, and alive to every soul that sits on this step this weekend.

Sunday morning is coming.

And I can't keep from grinning at the thought of it.

Thursday

The youngest came in with mud squished between his toes, and feet bottoms covered in a silt-like sludge....

....not once, but twice today.

And so I took him to the sink, hoisted his little diapered bottom up on the counter, turned the faucet on, and wiped away the clay.

Two times.

It wasn't until half-way through the second wash - that it dawned on me....

I was washing dirty feet.

And on this day thousands of years ago......

 Jesus was doing the same.

Normal mom experience turned supernatural God encounter.

I got all the mud off, rinsed his sweet toddler toes, and grabbed a kitchen rag to wipe his feet down.

As I dried him off - my mind went to Christ.

Jesus....all kneeling and servant like....washing the sand off the disciples feet and drying them with the towel around his waste.....

This God of a man who came for us all....serving and washing....and wanting to.

What wild grace!

The moment grabbed me.

I'm still reeling from it.

Because for a moment - it was as if I was staring right into His face.

The magnitude of what Christ did that night - the night before He would hang....is downright staggering.

The Lord of the universe cleansing the hooves of the very ones who would betray Him the next day - it's inconceivable.

The whole thing....

Christ coming as an infant in a barn....
living and moving and eating and being right here amongst the broken....
healing and redeeming and saving....
serving and teaching and loving...
enduring whips and thorns and pain....
aching and dying.

It's outside my capacity to fathom.

Oh God you are great! So greatly to be praised!

As we turn the page here....

And head into Good Friday - oh let us ponder and meditate and focus and realize how the Maker of the world....became the Savior of the world.

And let it undo us.

Wednesday of Holy Week

We've had a steady flow of strangers streaming through our home here lately.

Apparently, when you tell your landlords you are moving - they waste no time filling your spot.

And so....sometimes on a moments notice - I have to make my home look like no one lives in it, pack my children up, and leave my house for over an hour - so that future renters can rummage and roam through my home.

It disrupts naps.
It interrupts dinners.
It stops play-times.
It ruins schooling.
It steals rest.

It makes you feel like your home....is no longer your home.

And to be honest....it's making Mama go a bit mad.

It's been an interesting season.

And by interesting I mean awful. Not really all the way awful...but ya know, kind of a little bit awful.

Today was no different.

With the youngest down for his nap, the middle one not feeling well, and the oldest playing happily in the back - I got a phone call. When I saw the number - my shoulders dropped, and my spirits drooped, and as I was answering - I was already picking up toys and flinging them into bins.

Another showing.

Having non-background checked persons roaming my abode is unsettling for me. It almost feels like a violation - having people looking in my closets, and opening drawers, and laying eyes on my children's belongings.

Call me crazy - but it creeps me out.

When you are selling your home...getting a call for a showing is hope-filled delight. But when you are renting your home? It's scary disruption.

To get away from it all, and break up the monotony a bit - we rode down some roads today we haven't ventured on before.

We currently live smack in the middle of a house-farm and concrete - so finding out-of-the-way back paths is a rare occurrence.

But find one - we did.

If anybody can sniff one out...it's my oldest.

Much to the pleasure of my almost eight year old - with a few quick turns we found ourselves in some green.

And that first child of mine....the one that pines for pastures and longs for wide open spaces.....he glued his little face to the window and locked his gaze in a stare the whole way.

If I hadn't been driving - I'd have done the same thing.

But instead, I kept the car between lines and held back threatening tears.

Because if the next few months are like the last few weeks - you won't waste a prayer on me. 

No alarm....I'm alright. It's just that this current season is like the refining of gold - all my impurities and weaknesses seem to be rising to the surface - as I face the strain of long work days for the husband, tight budgets for me, and up-in-the-airness when it comes to a home.

The slothing away of what's weak....this is good. This is needed. But that doesn't make it easy.

The kids are asleep now. One is ill. So Mama here is in an anxious wait - praying that no one else falls sick....and praying that the ill one mends swiftly.

Yes, Lord. 

And God....this hard hump day in Holy Week - make even this.... sweet, fertile, faith-growing ground.

As I wrap this up - just to my left there is a new drawing from that farm-hearted boy I'm raising. It's a sketch of trees and owl holes next to a rocker-adorned porch.

And it brings me some ease.

Disparity

"Charles Spurgeon once said that when a jeweler shows his best diamonds, he sets them against a black velvet back-drop. The contrast of the jewels against the dark velvet brings out the luster. In the same way, God does his most stunning work where things seem hopeless." - from Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire by Jim Cymbala

The above quote is underlined and highlighted, bracketed and starred... in my copy of Cymbala's book.

Those words work well for what I feel like the Spirit has been impressing on my soul for this week. And they speak loudly to a world that's pained.

So many people in my sphere are finding themselves in dark, hope-void situations right now.

And it's crushing.

Even me here.... I'm sitting in such an odd season....where certain situations just seem near impossible to mend.

This very day....I have caught myself in moments where I'm wondering down the lane of a quiet despair.

And I'm discovering that this is more commonplace than I once thought.  The more people I get to know - the more brokenness, pain, and joylessness I see.

Oh mercy, we need a Savior.

Yesterday, I mentioned that I felt strongly about us being a praying people over the next few days....

....people who almost search out situations of gargantuan impossibilities - so as to usher in God to them.

I've already seen a glimmer of His goodness this week in a few friends' lives - but I want more. I so desperately want more.

For them....for me.

Because God....

He is still in the business of unbinding and binding.
 
Like with Lazarus - Christ orders the unwrapping of our grave clothes and sets us free to move about and live.

He snaps chains, and opens cages, and cuts chords....unbinding us from evil.

But at the same time - He binds us. He binds us to Himself.

Like a broken finger is bound round tight to the healthy one next to it - He splints us right next to Him....in Him, even - and there we are made healthy and whole.

So know....

That in the seemingly irrevocable - He can order a total turnaround.

And where all seems black - He paints a light-reflecting hue.

We must pray fervently, this week in particular, that it be so!

And as we look back....and see the dark in the distance against a forefront of shining color.....

....we will marvel at the contrast and kneel in a praise-filled thanksgiving.