Really. It's alright.
It's all right. Because when we enter into the glee of things - we enter into gratefulness.
He's been whispering it lately...... "Enjoy Me."
He knows that I don't. And He knows why.
It's the being aware of the sick and the starving and the stricken. It's the waking up to a world with woes. To a world with despair and dilapidation. It's knowing that pictures on calenders are only a portion of the earth's portraits. The others? We couldn't stand to stare at the site of them. While they may not don our walls - they do dot the earth....snapshots of need and pain and torment....they are real.
Hence - the hesitancy to know joy.
He's been busting this up for me, though....
My blonds. They're giddy with delight as their young hands clinch mixing spoons - all ready to stir icing. And they laugh and they squeal and they dive into those bowls of goodness and they enjoy every lick. And I enjoy the smiles and the sticky fingers and the young joy on display in my kitchen. And the joy - yes - it leads to gratefulness.
And just as I attempt to stop myself - just as I begin putting up the walls to joy because I know others on earth will never have icing cross their lips - and I know other women will never have children graze in their kitchens (though they so long for it) - and I know that despair would love to have some part in my own future (oh, the what ifs).....just as I start to extinguish the fire of joy - the one I wed walks in.
And he sees the freshly licked spoons and the freshly used beater and he knows this icing must have been made to go atop something. A cake, perhaps? And he smiles wide - with his face pale from fasting through the day - and across the kitchen, over the heads of those we made....he shines out joy and says, "What's all this?" And as he sits with fork in hand next to our giddy ones - they savor and enjoy and relish in a simple dessert with icing. And they are grateful for the nutmeg. And the cinnamon. And the utensil. And the plate. And their teeth. And the taste. And they enjoy...and they give thanks. And so do I.
Enjoy the blessings. Look for the blessings. Take note of them. Let them bring laughter. Let them bring joy right in. The simple ones...like blonds having the chance to eat icing. And serious ones....sacred ones....like the joy of knowing Christ. Really knowing Him....it should bring joy! It should bring celebration! Yes!
"Is there a greater way to love the Giver than to delight wildly in His gifts?"
- Ann Voskamp in One Thousand Gifts
And I'm so bad at this. And I still don't know what it should look like exactly. And I still find myself feeling guilty for having...just having. But I do know He has been whispering it....and I do know He wants me to be grateful, exuberant....inextinguishable - over what He's done for me. Not just materially, but spiritually.
And so yes....I will enter into glee. And He will enter into me and into the moments. And gratefulness will abound.
What do you think this looks like lived out? Do share. May you have a lovely, joy-filled day.