So sorry for the silence.
I've longed to sit still here and let my mind park for a while on blog writing - but there's a babe filling out my belly who seems to be taking in all of me. Including my ability to form rational, coherent thoughts :)
This boy - he should be here within a month. And his Mama is ready. His room isn't. Our house isn't. His closet isn't. The family vehicle isn't. His crib isn't. But my dazed mind and heavy body - they are ready, yes :)
However....
The blonds and their Daddy and I went to a small, intimate little Christmas concert a few nights ago. And with the house lights down low and the band ringing out Jesus - my two little fair-haired babes lounged on my lap. With one on each leg - they reclined over my blossoming mid-section...their wombed baby brother kicking their backs the whole time.
And it hit me...."I'm holding all three of them."
And hit again as this thought dawned - "only a few more weeks - with my few."
"I'll have...three?"
And the sentiment of it all....the realization....left me teary. In all of my hurrying along....in all of my wishing this boy were already here....wishing that the birth pains were over....wishing that I was back in my good jeans - I've neglected the gift of sharing this time with my two.
As of today....I have a leg for each bottom. A shoulder for each head. A hand for each hand. An eye for each child's action. An ear for each child's song. I have that right now. And I'm rushing it, wishing it - away?
Foolishness? No....immature, selfish...foolishness.
How dare I? How dare I wish away the moments with my first two loves.
And while I wallow in the fact that I've already wasted precious, precious moments - I'm grateful that I've realized it before it's too, too late.
So in these weeks leading up to labor - Lord, help me to shift my focus. Help me to love on the loves I can wrap around and hold. Just the two of them. And all the while - prepare me...prepare us - for the addition. And as we welcome him into our home...into our hearts....let us have sweet remembrances of the few weeks leading up to no longer just being a few.
And Father....as we become a family of five....pour out Your grace on this household. The five year old...the two year old...the little one...their Daddy...and this Mama - can't love without Love. And we can't give of self without the Giver. And we can't share and model and embrace and exhault and pass down joy - real joy....without realizing Jesus.
It's perfect timing, really....
Oh God, as we count down to the birth of Christ....(and the birth of this babe burying his foot in my ribcage) - empower me to love and enjoy and embrace and realize....the gift that is coming - yes, but also the gifts that are already here:
