Awesome stuff. And I don't really know how to articulate it all. A lot of the things that have been going on and showing up in our lives lately - have left me speechless.
And that's a rare feat.
For weeks now I've been asking: "How do I explain it all?" - "How do I put God and what He is doing into words? Into a sentence? Into a thought, even?" I can't. My words and my sentences and my thoughts aren't good enough. Not even close.
But please hear my heart, anyway. I pray that my measly little words will somehow give you just a glimpse of how real, how personal, how intimate, how awesome, and how awe-inspiring your Creator is. Because He is the I AM. It will take me numerous posts to get it all in - and by that time - I'm sure there will be more. However, as of this post - I am committed to posting at least once a week. There's too much going on not too.
Lord, help me here. As I'm typing this sentence I have no idea how I'm gonna explain all this. Just be in it, God. And that will be enough.
A lot of what I want to share will be written off by many as coincidence. Not long ago - I would have been one of them. My hope is that at the very least...one of you is strengthened in the faith through all these God-happenings....
*****************Let's start with the corn. Remember the corn? I'll never forget it - and believe me - I will try. This was our second year of growing 4 acres of the stuff. Right in the middle of picking season this year (hand picking, mind you), things started to change. I mean reeeally change. For years now we (and by 'we' - I mean my husband) have been dead set on moving to my husband's hometown. Every thought, every spare moment, every thing was spent striving toward this goal. Getting our house ready to sell, figuring out where we would live once we got there, figuring out what land my husband would do his hobby farming on etc...etc...There was a sense of urgency and anxiety riddled throughout it all. It had become very burdensome and it was breaking us to the point of crumbling. But we didn't realize it - until it was gone. That's right....gone. Plucked. Taken. Door not just shut - but slammed. And it all happened right in the confines of my husband's heart.....
It was Memorial day weekend. My husband and I took the kids to a park. It was a beautiful day - full of warmth and sunshine.My husband and I were talking about moving. And he mentioned something a good (and wise) friend of ours said earlier in the week:
"God never moved me from anywhere - until I became content with where I was at the time."
Seems simple enough. But that day....in that moment....it was profound. A revelation. I'm serious when I say.... after that conversation - things were different. The sun and warmth at the park that day - transferred itself right into our hearts. All of the forcing, striving, yanking, and pulling - stopped. Just stopped. We were suddenly open - open to what He wanted...not what 'we' wanted. God didn't just leave us hanging there, though.
A few days later we visited my family in Texas. While we were there.... my husband and I celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary at a steak house. (All Texans celebrate anniversaries, birthdays, anything...at either a steak house or Mexican food place. It's a rule.) While we were sitting there, my husband leaned across the table and said...
"I need to ask for your forgiveness over something."
As I braced myself, he said something like....
"All these plans I've made about moving - were just that - MY plans. I never once stopped to consider what God wants for us. I never asked Him what His plans were. I've had tunnel vision. I'm so sorry. Forgive me?"
I almost fell out of the booth.
This man...my husband...who was relentless in moving our family.... who was totally - heart and soul... sold on living in his hometown.....just said WHAT?
As I picked my jaw up off the floor - he continued...."I want to commit to praying with you over this. I want to seek the Lord's will for our lives and obey it wholeheartedly."
After I composed my very shocked self - I felt so thankful that I married a man who would #1: Be open to something other than his plans, admit his wrong, and ask for forgiveness, and #2: Ask me to pray with him about it. I'm a blessed woman.
Two days later we visited a church near Dallas. My jaw dropped again when we heard the title of the message that day: God's Ways Work. The whole sermon was on doing things God's way - following His plans - not your own. Weeeeeird. Then, when we got back home and went to services at our own church - the sermon that day was entitled: When Your Plans Fail. It was all about seeking out God's plan for your life. Also on that Sunday, our pastor offered prayer for families at a crossroads - wondering what to do and where to go. Weeeird, again.
As if that wern't enough, my Beth Moore study that week was on decisions - and what to do in the 'gray' areas - when things aren't black and white. She specifically mentioned where to live and what to do when making decisions for your family.
And that is how it went for weeks. One thing right after another spoke right into our hearts. One might say that it was because we were more aware and looking for connections. I tend to be one of them. But even my own skepticism recognizes these seemingly divine happenings.
There's lots more where all this came from. I haven't even gotten to the good stuff yet. The stuff that just has the Lord written all over it. The stuff that makes the skeptic in me sit down and shut up. The stuff that makes me look up and say: "Oh my goodness, God. You are real."
And if I can say that........anyone can.
"For I know that plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." - Jeremiah 29:11
If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. - Jeremiah 29:13