Uncommitted

Satan wants you to straddle the fence.

Sitting there...perched on the in-between...indecisive...incapable of fully committing.

Because he knows that if he keeps you in the middle - your life will journey toward nothing - and your life will count for nothing, as well.

It's safer for him and his agenda - if you simply sit on the hedge.

Many of us live stationary lives. Not because we are called to it, but because we are caught in it. Whispers from the enemy make us waver between this and that, here and there. This teeter-totter continues and we end up spending all our days smack in the middle - withholding from total engagement.

And this renders us useless.

Satan knows it. And Satan likes it.

If he can just keep us from full devotion - he can keep us from all fruitfulness.

Want an example?

Take motherhood. I unexpectedly entered into this arena 6 years ago. And while I love my children and I love what I do - I've wavered.

And I've found myself thinking these thoughts:

"What if I'm really suppose to be out in the workforce? What if all this is a mistake? What if I should actually be a working woman?"

But in the depths of me...I know.

It's been spoken over me and clearly seen - that yes - this is what He has called me to. Yet - these questions rise to the surface. And they are just loud enough for me to take a pause. They are just enough to make me hesitate. They make me question what I know.

And they cause fence-sitting.

I've discovered that these wanderings keep me from going all out as a mother. They keep me from going all in as a house-wife.

And the result? Half-hearted efforts and piecemeal offerings.

And this kind of floating - takes place not only in motherhood, but in ministry (Did I hear him right about this service opportunity?"), in marriage ("Did God really want me to marry this person?"), in moving (Did God really say to go?"), in relationships ( Did He really want me to befriend this individual?").

If all this sounds familiar....it should. It's a tactic the enemy has used from the beginning:

Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God actually say, 'You shall not eat of any tree in the garden'?" (Genesis 3:1)

And the fallen angel knows that all this questioning makes us discontent.

It makes us 'kinda sorta' people.

It makes us......lukewarm. Not hot. Not cold. But gross in-between.

All this...it's been heavy on me these last few weeks of the year. So this weekend - I'd love for you to join me in wholeheartedly asking the Lord:

"Where am I caught.....coasting in the middle?"

"Where do You want me to fully commit?"

"What lies am I believing about my life?"

Ask Him to pinpoint and highlight just a few areas. He'll show you.

And on Tuesday - we will reconvene. And I'll share what I feel like He's wanting me to focus on in this new year.

And together - we will dive in........COMPLETELY.

2013? I'll see ya then.

Christmas 2013

Today. It should be a sacred celebration.

Hovering all around the Christmas tree and through the baked goods - Simmering around every hot stove and in each gift given - With every door swinging open to welcome kin - Shining in every lit bulb - And most certainly sitting in the beating hearts of all the people recognizing this day......

.....the Spirit of God should be thick present.

The way He hovered over the face of the waters at the very beginning - He should be settled over the faces of His people this day.

(And everyday we inhabit this earth.)

Yet, our hearts and therefore our faces - they can become so gnarly twisted around these days of observance....

Family spats, hurt feelings, loneliness, sickness, forgotteness, traveling frustrations, doubt, annoyances - all these things can turn a warm heart cold.

If this is you - pray fervently all this whole day.

I will be.

In the midst of the chaos or even the lack of it - ask for His Spirit to be ever present. Ask for healing. Ask for grace-filled words to sit on your tongue. Ask for calm and peace.

And ask for the ability to remember what all this hoopla is about, anyway:

Christ's sacrifice. Christ's gift. Our salvation.

Through and Through

Standing at the kitchen sink today - washing the inside of a bowl.....He lays it all out on the counter:

"Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. You blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and the plate, that the outside also may be clean.

(Matthew 23:25-26)

 

And it's nothing new....Him speaking to me about the inside and the outside and how, really, they should match.

 

And how in all reality...they don't.

 

So I drop the dish rag in the suds and right there in the middle of rinsing down stuck-on cereal....

 

I repent.

 

Because when the heart doesn't match the mouth - when our exteriors are shiny clean while our hearts are filth-ridden....when our lips are speaking sweet flattery while our motives are for self-gain..... that's just false living. That is deceit. That is hypocrisy. And it's so unlike Christ.

 

David Guzik put it this way in his study guide for Matthew 23:

 

"Many are satisfied with a superficial cleansing, and the appearance of righteousness before others. God looks for a true cleansing, so we can be clean before God and man."

 

Doesn't that just change everything? To be clean before God and man?

 

It brings peace. Living this way - where the inside is as clean as the outside appears.....

 

.....there's no facade that goes along with that. There's no smokescreen. No cover-ups. No energy spent on mustering up a face that isn't actually felt.

What a way to live!

And God help me! Help us. We have gotten so good at fronting.

His way is so much better. When the outside of us is clean alone - that's our doing. But when the inside is clean - that's God's doing!

And when He wipes the inside - the outside naturally follows suit. When the crevasses of a woman's heart are filled with Light - it leaks out onto her person. There's no pressure on us to manufacture it. There's no shifting shadows. Do we have any idea how much more of impact this brings?...

....On the world? On our children? This is how our babes learn to be authentic. Kids get good at lying - kids are trained in trickery - kids are infinitely insincere when they live with people who are masters of these things.

Parents! Influencers! We must create an atmosphere of honest transparency in our homes - a place where our children actually see what's not good in us...but then they see it dealt with. They see it acknowledged and handed over. And they see us being okay with the world seeing it all, too.

Me and you being one-faced rather than two....this will change our children for eternity.

*When our children see us living on the inside of our home's walls - the same way we live on the outside of them.....

*When we can get to the place where the world witnesses what these pieces of dry-wall witness...

*When our children see us speak to our husbands the way we speak to our friends....

That is righteous consistency. And there is much power in that.

This is true with homes and children...this is true with churches...it's true with places of employment....and it's also true with blogs.

 Because what's being punched out on the screen needs to match what He's scribbling on the heart.

This steadfastness - it needs to run across the board.

And in doing so.... we will reap a harvest of righteousness in all our arenas.

 

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As we prepare our homes for Christmas festivities - let's prepare our hearts for celebrating His sacrifice.

May you have a blessed Christmas.

 



Permission

"He's one-third of the way...."

"What do you mean....one-third of the way?"

"He's six years old....one-third of his time under our total care is completed. Only two-thirds to go."

My husband casually dropped this bit of information into my heart Saturday evening - and it was like all the lights in the universe popped on.

My oldest....he's one-third of his way done being a kid.

Already.

What in the world have I been doing all these six years?

And this fact - coming on the heels of those little ones losing their lives - those little ones that were my son's very age. It's rattles me and awakens me and breaks me - completely.

That question - what have I been doing? Where have I been? How is that much of it already in the rear view mirror?

Satan knows that discontentment will drive a Mama to wish away her days and lament things that shouldn't be lamented..... and he knows it will cause a woman to never really live.

He knows a lack of contentment means a lack of being all in - all present.

And when a mother isn't totally immersed - the days fly without her even noticing.

And it can't go on this way.

So perhaps, this puny little blog post can be our permission?

Our permission for life to not be perfect. Our permission to totally immerse ourselves right where we are.

Now. Today.

Not when the curtains are hanging all lovely and every body's healthy and the carpets are clean. Not when the toy bin is organized and the beds are made and the backyard is mowed.

But now.

Because out of the 365 days a year...maybe one or two of them will be near perfect. The others? Most of them will fall somewhere between the ideal and awful. That's what the pastor said on Sunday.

 Most of our days are somewhere in the middle. And it doesn't make sense to only really engage a few days a year...or on Friday's...or when the apple pie actually comes out of the oven looking like the picture. Those days are few - but the opportunity to be alive in all our days....those are many.

Ya know....one day....the pitter-patter of little feet won't echo off these walls anymore. And mud-caked toddler boots won't sit at the doorstep. And brushing tangles out of blond hair will be something of the past. That day when my kids transition into adulthood... yes, that day will eventually come. And when it does - I DO NOT want to look back and have to ask myself where it went.

Like Mary....I want to store all these things up in my heart.

All these feet and boots and tangles....all these whines and fevers and back-scratching sessions. All these arms that wrap around legs, all these trains and airplanes and stuffed bears. All these little hands helping me stir dinner. All these loud van rides. All of it.

I've just been so moved the last few days.

And torn and slapped and stripped - from those words and those news reports.

I have today. Tuesday. So here....in the middle.....is where I'll nestle in and open up and fully engage.

This permission - to live fully in the imperfect....it's what I needed.

May it meet some need in you today, too :)

Love to you all.

Mama to Mama

Motherhood. It's so invasive, isn't it?

It's a blessing, a gift, an honor, a miracle - but yes....down right invasive. It's that way from the start - from the two pink lines.

Starting there.... the concern and protectiveness - they invade something fierce.

And then it never stops.

After the invasion of having a person occupying your mid-section.....they come into the world and they invade your sleeping, your eating, your showering, your marriage, your schedule, your whole life - this new being just takes over all your territory.

And isn't it all just grand?

I can't help but smile as I type it all out here.

But..... there are moments when a Mama needs another Mama.

There are times when we need a female (other than our own parent) who has walked this road before - to come and pull us along a little.

And now that this home houses three of those little invaders (with one early wee one housed in Heaven) - I've become desperate for just that. Mentors. Warriors. Teachers in the things of the home - the things of a gracious wife - the things of a healthy marriage - the things of Christian motherhood.

So much so - that I've been on my knees over it. But if I'm being honest - I've also been feeling guilt over it, too. Because if I were just strong enough, if I just had it a little more together, if I just wasn't so weak - I wouldn't need anyone to come and show me the way of holy success in these things. That's been my thinking.

So the whole time I'm crying out to Him over this - I'm reeling inside because I feel like I shouldn't need the help. I feel guilty because it should just all come so naturally to me, right?

But our gracious God.

He swooped through right in the midst of all this - and He led me straight to Titus 2.

It's Paul's letter to his "true child in a common faith". (He calls Timothy something similar, by the way. Oh, what a wild and wonderful spiritual father Paul must have been to them!)

And in the second chapter of this somewhat controversial book - Paul instructs Titus to encourage the older women to 'teach what is good', and to 'train the young women to love their husbands and children....'

What did that say? Did Paul just tell Titus to tell the older women to teach the younger women how to live out motherhood and marriage?

He did.

So those women...they needed it too?

Uh huh.

And this is good for me to know.

And it might be good for you to know, too. Whether you've been a Mama for decades and still feel like you could use some help - or you're a woman who has seen the two pink lines only to see them fade in loss - or you're a women who longs to get that positive pt but hasn't .....don't feel guilty over needing some guidance and comradery through it all.

He knows. Ask like I am - and trust that in some form or fashion He will provide. Even if He simply gives us Himself - The Abba Father.....

...... He is enough.

But if He provides real, in the flesh women for you to sit under - oh glorify Him for it. Accept it, soak it in, and be grateful. Be vulnerable. Be humble enough to accept the instruction.

And then someday - when a little more of this is behind us - when the newness of motherhood turns into a seasoned motherhood....you'll be called on to turn back and pour in - to those young women that walk this road a few years behind you.

Know...that it's biblical.

And know that you aren't the only one needing a little support along the way.....

Because your friend here? She is too :)

Decibels

Louder isn't always better.

I wish I would have learned this 15 years ago. Instead I learned it about 15 minutes before sitting down to write this.

Understanding it earlier would have saved me from many obnoxious displays of high volume living.

I was under the notion that the louder your life is - the more successful you'll be - the more likely you'll be to stand out....get chosen....be heard.

And that's mostly true.

So I lived loud when it came to just about everything. (Except giving answers in class. Being loud with the wrong answer would only make me a loud loser.)

I had loud hair. Sometimes it was maroon. Sometimes it was super blond. Sometimes it was striped maroon and super blond.

I had a loud mouth when it came to beliefs and opinions. And I would debate with no signs of mercy or grace over religion and politics.

I had loud clothes. I wore Christian t-shirts some days...only to turn around and wear too tight, too low, bust hugging v-necks other days. Anything different...anything attention-grabbing. Snake skin. Leopard velvet. Sequined shiny.

And as I look back on that teenager....I want so badly for her to know that all that loudness - it only leaves you lost.

Being loud - it's not always what He's wanting from us.

Because just today....I ran across some scriptures that spoke loud about being quiet.

The NLT puts 1 Peter 3:4 like this....

Don't be concerned by the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.

 

I could just almost cry. I've read this before - but it hits me hard today.

 

As does 1 Timothy 2:2 - where Paul mentions 'living peaceful and quiet lives marked by godliness and dignity.'

 

And 1 Thessalonians 4:11 - Make it your goal to live a quiet life, minding your own business and working with your hands.....

 

Do you have any idea how this speaks to a woman who has always believed that the front-and-center, lights-camera-action, chosen-one mentality was what wins - even in Christ's arena?

 

As an adult I have practiced loud living for self-gain. It wasn't just a teen thing. I have even practiced loud living for Kingdom-gain.

 

And that last one - this is where it gets tricky. But it's also where it gets important.

 

How should we shout Him from the rooftops?

 

How should we display what Christ has done for us?

 

How do we stand up for what's right and just?

 

......without being so annoyingly loud that the world's ears close?

 

Maybe it includes these two things:

 

 1) Letting our worship, actions, works, and love be louder than our mouths, hair, signs, and outfits. Perhaps we should let our walk be louder than our talk....our bell-ringing more pronounced than our mouth-squawking.

 

and....

 

 2) Being okay with finding ourselves nameless and faceless to the world - as long Jesus' name and face are out front and exalted.

 

But really - I'm still wading through it all. This is something I'm gonna have to keep in the fore-front for a while....

 

How to live a loud life for Him....quietly.

 

He's after me on this right now. God might be speaking to you about the opposite - about raising the volume a tad in certain areas. But for me - He's wanting some quietness and reservation.

 

And He's probably wanted it for almost two decades now. And here I am - just now getting it :)

 

His patience abounds.

 

 

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Now before I sign off - if you're sitting there with striped hair and snake skin pants...don't think for a second that I'm totally against those things. I'm not. I just carried it out all wrong - for all the wrong reasons - in all the wrong ways. It's me that couldn't handle it well. You might do it beautifully. Love to you all :)

Welcome!

I feel like I've just invited a party of people over to my house while it's still a mess.

Welcome, friends. If you've come over from my old blog - thank you so much for making the journey to this new spot with me. If you're dropping in all new and wondering what's going on....take a look at this, please?

Yes....a mess. I don't even have a profile scrawled out yet. I haven't even really figured out how to describe this whole crazy thing. So I apologize! And I ask for your kind patience as I shuffle my way around these new parts!

Why ringing bells, you ask?

They call, they signal, they remind, they beckon, they invite, they warn.

And as Christ's own.....aren't we called to ring in all these things? Service, love, compassion, study, generosity, joy, purpose, prayer, worship, wisdom?

That's what this is...a call to really live for Him. And a call to invite others to do the same.

It will be simple. I'm hoping for no frill, fluff, or distraction.

I actually purchased a domain of my own - and then sold it back. Why pay for a whole website when you can scratch things out for free on a blog service? That money is now being sent to charity and it feels good to have it going there, rather than here. (More of my life should work that way.)

So in this place - instead of a ringing of the hands.....let's have a bending of the knees.

Let's turn worry and weariness in to worship and wisdom. Let's learn and encourage and grow and mature and witness, shall we?

For now - this homeschooling Mama to three....plans on writing at least two times a week. Probably Tuesdays and Fridays. In between posts - I'll be living life just like you will - so when we meet together here on posting days.... we can hash out reality and look to Him for help through it all.

May His Words ring loud here! Yes, Lord!

Glad to have you along!

Blessings and Joy,
Kate :)