Friday Snapshot

I'm sitting here on the fringes of fall this morning.

With windows slid upright and all manner of insect and amphibian noises coming from the yard out back.

It's still somewhat dark, but it's growing lighter with every glance.

The air has lost it's summer sting.

A cool mistiness has replaced the Gulf's humid steam.

My boys are already up....already playing outside even at this early hour.

My girl is still snoozing there on her bottom bunk.

The squeak of the trampoline is echoing off of our wooden fence, and I wonder what the neighbors think....of children bouncing high before breakfast and sunrise.

The day holds much.

Bed sheets to wash. Learning lessons to hold. Emails to send. Doctor's appointments to make. Papers to sift through. Errands to run. Family birthday presents to buy. Lists to be made. Grass to shear. All before a soccer game this eve.

Ah. Breathe Mama.

All this....all this runaround. All these full to the brim moments. All these loud child voices rising high each day. All the neglect of self - they're blessings. I must remember it.

The following is printed in a quote book I own:

"Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. 

Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. 

Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow."

Amen.

This week - feeling worn, and torn, and a bit tattered.... I've had to fight the thoughts that come to mind that say they'll lead me to greener pastures just over the fence.

You know the ones...


The thoughts that try to carry you to some fantasy life - where kids don't holler and laundry washes itself and roses are everywhere.

Women! We must realize - that while our minds can carry us to pretend, fantasy-like tomorrows...reality can't. Those scenes don't actually exist....no matter how vivid the imagining.

Instead...

Behold today.

The loud, full, messy, imperfect.... ordinariness of it all.

The middle blonde has risen now and is curled up behind me in my bed.

The boys have made a race track on the porch for all their Matchboxes.

It's bright now.

The day is darting, and I better do the same.

A Morning Poem

I think I might use this smidgen of time here this morning....to punch out a poem.

It's just where I am today.

Please excuse all errancy and lacking. It's early. There's no time for a good, thorough edit. And for me, poetry is somewhat new. Hugs to you all.

As dawn emerges all slow and steady
And this mind raps out the day ahead
I petition to the God of the universe
to keep me faithed and fed.

As babes rise and rally early this A.M.
with all those needs and wants
A woman's wise to seek sustenance
From her Father's endless source.

And as she hits knees in shaky wondar
And puts unready forehead to floor
His presence descends and sweetly lifts her
Pouring, filling, mustering her core.

She hears the small ones wrestling from slumbar
She stands to greet and brace and love
She knows she's being held and gifted
By glory highest from heavens above.

As the day wags, wills, and thrashes
And evening comes flitting at the end
Mama sprawls out on beds upholding
She has no more to give or lend.

But as she rises next morning come
And the day's agenda greets her strong
She'll kneel on knees of knowing needing
and be sustained all hours long.

Yes, He'll sustain you all hours long.

 
 

The Sermon

There's a song bird just outside my window this morning.

The sky is high and clear and the air outside looks crisp.

The clock is quickly approaching that hour where the blondes rise and stampede into their day.

I just rolled out of the bed and stammered here to greet you.

It's been too many days since I've sat and poured something out. I know no one is waiting around on my words...... but I have been. I need this space....this nook....this therapy. Pouring out here pours into me somehow.

I have a plethora of things to ponder and pass along.

Yesterday's message is a fine place to begin.

It was a memo of sorts....straight to my ailing, flailing heart.

I was so seared by the sermon shared - so deeply spoken to.

I'm still processing. Like picking up a handful of sand and sea shells - and shaking it out to let the sand fall between my fingers....the shells haven't completely emerged yet. I'm still handling it.

The text .....was 1 John 1:5-10. That bit of scripture that speaks of light and dark and sin and confession and fellowship.

Once the message is posted online, I'd like to post it here. I'm afraid my tidbits and nuggets just won't do.

Because when the Lord speaks mightily - it can be hard to properly regurgitate what actually transpires.

Sometimes it's just a deep, wordless thing.

I can't do it justice....but the main jest?....

 Fear is based in darkness. When we make decisions out of fear, in the dark - we make decisions based on things that are false - leading us to bad decision making. But when we make decisions in the light - we can see what's true - leading us to sound decision making. 

If you only knew, friends - how many of my decisions have been influenced by deep-seeded fear....you would know why this so resounds with my very shaky soul.

On another note....verse 9 of the text says to 'confess'. The guest preacher shared that the word confess does not mean to say 'I'm sorry'. It means to tell the truth. So really the scripture is asking us to tell God what we actually think and believe of Him....being honest, raw, real. It might look like the following:

God, I don't really believe you are loving.
God, I doubt scripture.
God, I don't actually believe you are always with me.
God, I often times don't even know if you are real.

Etc...Etc...Etc...

All those things we believe in the dark....all those things that we believe all seeped and saturated in fear and warpedness....confess them. And then ask the Lord.....ask Him to turn the lights on!

Just like He did in the very beginning - His voice being the light switch and setting the sun ablaze and separating day from night - He'll illuminate your life. He still does that.

But ah, there's more. The Spirit spoke yesterday. If I can get my paws on a podcast - I'll certainly relay it to you.

This post here - has taken me most of the day. I have sat here between math and history, between lunch and snack, and now between nap and dinner. And such is the life of a wanna-be-writer homeschooling mom. :)

I have a pot of hot chicken soup on the stove - the scent of simmered poultry filling our sweet, small rent house.

The kids are out back playing in water and making a mess and traumatizing all sorts of insects on our porch.

But tonight...tonight I have a date. After the blondes reluctantly lay down heads and slip into slumber - I have plans of prayer and of confession and of asking.

Lord come and meet me where I am and let my life glow again.