There's a song bird just outside my window this morning.
The sky is high and clear and the air outside looks crisp.
The clock is quickly approaching that hour where the blondes rise and stampede into their day.
I just rolled out of the bed and stammered here to greet you.
It's been too many days since I've sat and poured something out. I know no one is waiting around on my words...... but I have been. I need this space....this nook....this therapy. Pouring out here pours into me somehow.
I have a plethora of things to ponder and pass along.
Yesterday's message is a fine place to begin.
It was a memo of sorts....straight to my ailing, flailing heart.
I was so seared by the sermon shared - so deeply spoken to.
I'm still processing. Like picking up a handful of sand and sea shells - and shaking it out to let the sand fall between my fingers....the shells haven't completely emerged yet. I'm still handling it.
The text .....was 1 John 1:5-10. That bit of scripture that speaks of light and dark and sin and confession and fellowship.
Once the message is posted online, I'd like to post it here. I'm afraid my tidbits and nuggets just won't do.
Because when the Lord speaks mightily - it can be hard to properly regurgitate what actually transpires.
Sometimes it's just a deep, wordless thing.
I can't do it justice....but the main jest?....
Fear is based in darkness. When we make decisions out of fear, in the dark - we make decisions based on things that are false - leading us to bad decision making. But when we make decisions in the light - we can see what's true - leading us to sound decision making.
If you only knew, friends - how many of my decisions have been influenced by deep-seeded fear....you would know why this so resounds with my very shaky soul.
On another note....verse 9 of the text says to 'confess'. The guest preacher shared that the word confess does not mean to say 'I'm sorry'. It means to tell the truth. So really the scripture is asking us to tell God what we actually think and believe of Him....being honest, raw, real. It might look like the following:
God, I don't really believe you are loving.
God, I doubt scripture.
God, I don't actually believe you are always with me.
God, I often times don't even know if you are real.
All those things we believe in the dark....all those things that we believe all seeped and saturated in fear and warpedness....confess them. And then ask the Lord.....ask Him to turn the lights on!
Just like He did in the very beginning - His voice being the light switch and setting the sun ablaze and separating day from night - He'll illuminate your life. He still does that.
But ah, there's more. The Spirit spoke yesterday. If I can get my paws on a podcast - I'll certainly relay it to you.
This post here - has taken me most of the day. I have sat here between math and history, between lunch and snack, and now between nap and dinner. And such is the life of a wanna-be-writer homeschooling mom. :)
I have a pot of hot chicken soup on the stove - the scent of simmered poultry filling our sweet, small rent house.
The kids are out back playing in water and making a mess and traumatizing all sorts of insects on our porch.
But tonight...tonight I have a date. After the blondes reluctantly lay down heads and slip into slumber - I have plans of prayer and of confession and of asking.
Lord come and meet me where I am and let my life glow again.