Today is one of them.
But I will try. Because if I can at all pen out what He's etching on my heart - if I can even barely get across what He's been gently rubbing into the very fibers of my broken being - some shifts may occur. And God-induced shifts are what we are after.
So excuse my feeble attempts - and know that I've prayed that this posting (and yes, all of them) will somehow shimmy us, move us, into a place of fresh revelation. Revelation that spurs change and action and difference.....
Friends, I'm just so consumed with me.
With my health, my home, my heart. With my family, my food, my faith. With my growth, my future, my blog, my ministry, my kids, my convenience, my life.
I am my own idol.
It's been this way forever. And all these 29 years.....I've looked around me as if my issues and strongholds and problems are always the fault of some external source. Sometimes, they are. But how ridiculous...that while I'm so self-focused....I can be so others-blaming. How crazy that the only time I look outside of myself is when I'm searching for an excuse. Sometimes, we are the way we are...because we are so focused on 'the me'.
Seriously....do we know the toll we have taken on our very own selves? All this self-centeredness - it wears us all the way through. All this inward focus - it sucks the life, the love, the purpose, the ability to thrive...right out of us.
And we wither.
And we get anxious. And we think idealistically. And we compare ourselves. And our bodies wear and age at a raging rate. And we spew anger. And we live our days in discontentment.
Because our minds and our focus are void of the Source....void of any kind of sacrifice. And we serve a God who recognizes sacrifice....that honors sacrifice. We serve a God that blesses those who offer up, not those who focus in.
I have got to figure out a way to get myself...over myself.
It is true that that is the only way I will ever do anything, go anywhere, be anyone - for this Jesus I say I serve.
Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. - Matthew 10:39
A me-focused life - has turned me into a calloused and stationary woman. It's become apparent this week. In all aspects of my life - I can see the atrophy that a self-centered life brings....
...physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually.
Without Him in every pore and every facet of my existence.....I begin to rot. And if I don't stop the progression....I'll be rendered useless.
But oh - it doesn't have to be this way. We can hand it over.
Because a woman who is aware of the needs in this world - a woman who has resolved to live with the eyes if her heart focused on all the others - she wins.
And a woman who worships....I mean truly worships....and completely puts focus on Jesus - she can turn the world upside down.
A mind occupied on the right things, rather than a mind occupied with past and self - He can use that.
Next post? Maybe we can talk about how.