Flee

I'm in no condition to weave words today.

This past week was weird and weary-ridden.

Injuries, illness, and all manner of random frustrations darted their way to our family over the last several days.

I'm unraveling a tad.

And so...it's days like these when plans get ruined and hyped activities get scratched and phobia inducing situations arise..... that show my cores true colors.

Yes, it's days like these that I hole up at my desk and browse Bloomingdale's website for designer dresses I can't afford, imagining myself wearing them to gala's and galleries I'll probably never attend, while rubbing elbows with fancy people I'll probably never know.

What?

You don't do that when the demands of motherhood turn you sour and life leaves you flailing?

That's just me?

It's kinda sad that this is my salve.

Escapism. I'm notorious for it.

Right there...spelled out for you in three syllables...es-cap-ism.....is an issue for me.

While I feel that this tendency can prove beneficial in certain arenas..... art, fiction, play writing, rest, envisioning a better society, etc....

It can reek absolute havoc on a heart or a home that needs present, realistic, rapt attention.

From my wee ages on - I have been a flight girl. I don't tend to fight well - I just tend to flee.

So now that I'm a Mama - I can't really run away (even if I tried, they would follow me).....so I do it in my head, instead.

You do know what I mean don't you?

Escapism can take on many different forms.

When life is crazy hard or humdrum or heavy - you find yourself turning to things or ideas or activities or thoughts that you think will help you cope or overcome.

And while envisioning how in the world you can make things better is a good thing......

....simply thinking about unrealistic futures or long-gone pasts or becoming obsessed with some activity.....these are not wholesome or helpful choices.

Sometimes, as much as I hate to admit it, we have to force our minds to be all in and ever present - to tend to the real life, often difficult and dreadful and dutiful tasks, that may arise.

Running out the door (physically or mentally) rarely solves anything.

We must learn....

Not to escape to a happy place - but to a holy God.

That doesn't mean that we don't daydream of Holy Spirit inspired tomorrows. That doesn't mean that we don't slip away for a quiet coffee alone sometimes. That doesn't mean that we don't enjoy visions of vacations or longed-for getaways. That doesn't mean that we don't ask for help....or accept a breather every now and then.

It simply means - that when duty calls....we are awake to answer.

Turning to mental fantasies rather than the Father and his provisions for the task at hand....can leave our lamps oil-less. 

Escaping in the mind - keeps us from preparing and assessing and working....in the physical.

And we want to be women who have lamps lit and ready, right?

Yes, yes. Lord help us.



But...... all that being said....I really do like this one: 



:)

Dreams

Oh....these are just some thoughts I meant to post last Thursday :) Things have been a bit busy around these parts lately - forgive my delay. Love to you all......

****************

My eyes are pooling tears and my heart's pounding from the outpouring.

I'm sitting here in all out awe - over the way these people love.

There's been a lot of goodness flying in from friends today......

A card in the mail...

A text this afternoon...

Various emails.....

And a comment.... 

All today. All in the last 8 or so hours.

And all from these Jesus loving Texans we have jelled with over the last ten months.

All the random love that dropped into my mailbox and onto my phone and into my inbox and up on the screen.....It comes on a day where nothing in particular is weighing heavy....nothing pressing or worrisome or worthy of inducing stress.

All the undeserved sweetness arrived on a normal, everyday, kind of day....

But there has been this one thing as of late....

This one thing that my heart's been wrestling down this week....that by the looks of things needed some attention, perhaps.

The desire for purpose and accomplishment- outside of crumb-catching and bottom-wiping. 

While all things home are what I am to hone in on these days (by assignment and by desire) - I can't deny there are personal dreams that dawn in my mind's eye quit regularly. Dreams that walk along side my Mama-ing...not dreams that take the place of it.

Many of which...... have been spawned and spurred by my work within these walls - while stirring dinner - while picking up littered toys and broken graham crackers - while perusing all these mounds of books that sit around every corner....

.....all with these blondes that find shelter under my wing.

Oh, these children. There's something about their wonder - their all out passion for adventure ....their fearless attempts at feats .... their insatiable longing for new paths to explore....and most importantly....

their willingness to just try.

All of that - can ignite sparks in a woman....

Little gleaming hot spots of possible endeavors...they've been coming to life lately.

As mentioned...'Mama' and 'Maker of the Home' are my main engagements - but friends..... I'd be crazy to hush some of the deep hopes that are still pulsating in these veins of mine. I may be 'Mama' but I'm still mighty when it comes to dreaming up God - inspired possibilities.

So dream I do.

Right here in the midst of the crumbs and clutter and bottoms and attitudes.

Not as an escape - but as an exercise - to keep me going.

But there comes a point.....

......where dreaming.....has to turn into doing.

There comes a time - where we stop simply entertaining things in our heads....and start walking things out in real life.

Or else our dreams and purposes never really wake up to the dawning.

 So here I am today - bolstered up by all the random and thoughtful gestures bestowed on us this week - feeling a bit charged and inspired.... thinking about some long and deeply seeded dreams that might be ready to take root and blossom in the near future.

Ah, the possibilities.

Maybe someday soon ..... I'll muster up enough courage to share some of these mental fancies with you here.

Maybe :)

Until then and beyond, I'll be combing tangles out of hair and overcooking dinner chicken and scratching young backs and walking out this whole Mama thing - learning and growing along the way.

(Which is itself.... a dream realized, for sure.)

And all the while - I'll be thinking up things .....and asking the God of it all to hush what's from me and to highlight what's from Him. 

Because dreaming dreams of our own making - there's really nothing magnificent about that.

But dreaming dreams that have been implanted and imparted by a creative God.....

.....those are the ones worth entertaining, don't you think?

Lord, help me to know the difference.

Retreat

We will be hitting I-10 and heading west tomorrow....

me and the ladies of our burgeoning church.

With bug spray (hello, mosquitoes), and Bibles in hand - we are heading away for some concentrated time in the Word.....and some relational time with godly women.

And this is good.

And needed.

Because it's been a while since this Mama has slipped away from the nest.

With trips to the grocery store being my only real escape over the summer - an overnight away is overdue.

Sometimes you have to withdraw for a moment, ya know? Not long - just enough to catch your breath and receive a filling.

So after these few days of freedom - I'm trusting that I'll return to my nestlings fresh and ready.

A twenty month old just moseyed in with a sippy cup of milk - wanting his Mama to read him an animal book.....

And the ingredients for pancakes are currently spread over the top of my kitchen island.....

And the park is on our agenda today.....

After school gets done, of course.

And so the day will go....

Full and packed tight - all carried out by a Mama who is grinning giddy about a short weekend escape.

Oh, here's to hoping that Daddy-Daycare runs smoothly over the next several days.

Lord, help him :)