Thursday, September 10, 2009

Looking Up

"Lord, help me with THIS."

That's the prayer I uttered as I rocked my newborn in her room a few days ago.

Sometimes, when I sit and think about it - the responsibilities I have as a mother and a wife are overwhelming, and yes...even a little scary. I mean, think about it. You have little people depending on you for their every need. You are their example. You are their guide. You. It's all you. And you better have it somewhat together sister, or they will feel the effects of it.

Talk about pressure.

And then there is the whole wifey thing. You are their partner. Their go-to girl. Their prayer warrior. Their love. Their encourager. Their support. It's a tall order, ain't it girls? A wonderful one - but hefty, nonetheless!

So as I sat their in the silence of my daughter's nursery - with to-do lists, worries, doubts, and concerns in mind - my newborn rested comfortably on my shoulder - completely unaware. Every few minutes she would sleepily look up at me with her big blue eyes - almost as if she was just making sure I was still there - then she would drift confidently back to sleep. Watching her breath so sweetly and rest so peacefully in my arms - I couldn't help but want to feel that way myself. I couldn't help but look up and say - "Lord, help."

From erasing the doubts and questions that all too often crowd out my faith - to erasing the blue marker that is now scribbled all over my back window. I need help with it all.

But more than anything...

" me to know that You are holding me...watching me breath..watching me drift in and out of my day - watching me look up - just to see if You are still there. Help me to confidently close my eyes - and KNOW that You are. Because just knowing that - will help me out with it all."

Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will never fail you nor abandon you." Deuteronomy 31:8