Sunday, January 18, 2015

Telling Moments

It's hard to pick up shards of glass through streams of tears.

Ask me how I know.

Ask me how I know about the cloudy sheen that descends over eyeballs when a child drops glass on tile kitchen flooring again, and you're already in over your head in housework and homeschool.

Ask me what it feels like to crack like the cup does.

I could tell you.

Because Wednesday morning was my morning to implode.

The crashing chalice shoved me over the sanity ledge, and Mama broke.


You will have moments where your hands catch your head and you sob into sweaty incapable palms.

Parenting is a process that sanctifies.

It undoes the onion of pride, selfishness, egocentrism.

It reveals weaknesses and sheds light on sinful bents.

And it shows us more than anything.... that we need help. And we need a Savior.

The realization of this hit me square in the face Wednesday morning when the cup tumbled into disarray in my kitchen.

Reactions are telling.

Who we are in our knee-jerk who we really are.

They tell us where we're really at in the process.

So when the glass goblet joined the floor, my tears and rising anger and sheer desperation - showed me much.

The next few days....(after foolishly self-loathing a bit) I prayed, and asked others to pray, and reached out to wise souls, and recalibrated. 

My days have been full of sounder, steadier, calmer moments ever since.

While in the moment it can be a startling embarrassment, seeing our own brokenness can be a blessing.

It gives us a sort of state of address.

And for that I am grateful.

If you have found yourself sweeping up the pieces while wiping away tears...

If you have discovered that your interior is shattered...

If you have seen your own self through an outburst or a breakdown or a loud reaction....

Know that you are a woman who is in metamorphosis.

And those cup cracking moments catapult us into mature reform...

If we allow them to.

I'm with you.

In those rending moments, you've got company friend.

There's a group of us here...all gathering the shards.

All heaping the fragments and handing them over to a  God who can create and refurbish the broken pieces....

 into something divinely beautiful.

May the Lord meet you in the teary moments, comfort you in the chaos, and bless your looking in and letting go.